You can talk tactics in here pal..sling ur hook!

Its been months since i posted a blog posting...but the time has come to vent some rants! and its all good in FML world...or is it..

In GW voller this evening (1 of my only 3 gw`s..well nearly) a fellow user was asked to move along from the tactics room for talking about tactics!! lovely..were playing family fortunes you see and im afraid..X eh oh (or whatever the noise is) you cant talk tactics in the tactics room...so run along nothing to see here..go talk in the lobby with the lobbyists..

The Lobbyists...a bunch of highly comical sometimes bordering on damm right offensive..but dare i say comical again!....walking a tightrope accross a cavern of muting and yellow cards...nah! cos we are always just on the right side of the line..i try to be funny most of the time....random facebook pictures of fellow users girlfriend has been high on the amusement list in valderamma this week..."well i say..dont bloody add me to facebook if you dont want the abuse" its not hard..Random lobby joke of the week..from fellow essex boy..chris sawya! "I failed my politics exam question, which was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world". Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer."

This evening i noticed when signing into voller or sancheez..i cant remember which one...there was a message about gameworldplus`s new podcast! i grabbed the old iphone 4..downloaded the explicit content..and with much excitement started to play it...i gotta be honest...you miserable gits!! its like 3 blokes in an empty pub all holding knives to there wrists!! liven it up lads!! a bit of humour is needed!! wahey!

The forums are boring me at the moment...FML is dying blah blah...MARC DUFFY IS A CONE blah blah...the m.e is shit blah blah...well lets pep it up a bit and add some amusing screenshots...cant wait for the youtube addition...theres going to be more videos with classic cockups than a video stream from youporn.com!!

Restart restarts...Ive restarted in all 3 of my gameworlds...and one word..just one..PACE...its easy..filter the available players..and just pick any with half decent stats and PURE pace...in one of my teams..the slowest player has 18 pace...its highly amusing watching them leg it past 14-18 rep teams..

Poundland...role up role up...24 rolls of kitchen towell for £1 or if you want..u can have 16 players for £16..thats just £1 each!! amazing bargains!!

So i thought what i would do...in valderamma is..all the Teams in the DFA would get there own season preview!! your nuts..no i clearly have too much time on my hands..i completed the task in 3 hours...and it was generally recieved well...if your gonna pay a fiver of your kids inheritance on a game..you may as well get involved..its only a game alan!!

Kev.

The Final Whistle...The Return of the Toni Report!

The Final Whistle

Is back “phoenix from the flames of blissett” for a special editon!
Also returning Is the Toni Report!!! Our legendary shoot from the commentary box coach of the daggers brand and “getitupemutd”

First we check out on the Daggers FML Football Franchise…

Daggers UTD-GW Valderamma: The Youth Project: Regens and Academy built..no grads yet!! Ho ho!



Having just disposed of all but 2 senior players from the original pool of wannabee regens Daggers Utd are now focused on youth..Currently around 50th in the youth rankings..but probably should be a bit higher up..but until they sort out different youth categories for 16,17,18,19 and 21 this is where we will expect to see the Daggers Kids.

Dagenham and Romford UTD: GW Turkyilmaz: The 27-30 club!

All players are aged between 27-30 and all from the original pool except 1 player purchased.

Current Ranking 603rd, no youth team- The Paul Walker Cone Academy was built on 28th April current grads zero..the special bus hasn’t delivered any yet.

Dagenham and Romford AFC:GW Voller: the 21-30 club + mexio youth academy..total grads 3

Currently 776th in the world rankings…the long ball game being played here..5th in the 2nd run of EFA comps..and a healthy projected finance..current transfer fund 1m…this is for a rainy day or for when all the rest of the clubs go bust cos the owe the florist too much money for flowers!

Daggers Glory UTD: Gw Butragueno: The im not sure why ive got this account team!
Currently ranked 554th in the rankings and 9th in the reception football league standings..Youth academy in Holland..have received 2 grads and neither of them are going to be playing in “shexy football”

GET IT UP EM UTD! GW Lemerre: Simply a drunk subs..got home from a few lucky ones with the lads and thought it would be funny to get a 5th account! The mrs loves its..Sega 4.99 on the old daily text fro the bank! I`ll have to cancel a couple soon..once the old free subs run out on 3 of them from various prizes we won during the Christmas prize bonanza thing before reset!

The Toni Report

So FML is reset and we are all still bloody moaning..ive seen it all this last few weeks…sour grapes..moaning about AI winning the league, people telling us there quitting on the forums..and I bet they don’t…you cant put this down kids!! `Rage quitting` was quite a fasion for a few weeks…oh ive changed my mind…please can I have some money to get some more players..cos I think I learned from my mistakes..oh yeh sure..have some cash buddy…knock yerself out..you get some more attention..coochy coochy coo!

How about the big RT biting the dust…well im not to sorry to see he go..i was often in the headmasters office getting told off with smilies and party hats…the new regime has already flexed its muscle and caused chaos in the market place chat..its great..we can discuss why managers..are trying to flog 85k mv players for 1.7m!! KABOoOOOM! All we need is a few of the photo shop kids to do some nifty work with a rubber and an air brush and advertise him as a potential king of zamunda to the African nation of kiwake mular! And we have ourselves the next Didier drogba! Bingo!! Oh actually he`s not he`s a 3 star potential player that would probably only make it at some Sunday league team in the blue square league south league 2 reserve league!

The match engine is the main topic of discussion on the forums and the main reason for people quitting… …”if you cant beat em join em” its simple..stop moaning play narrow and stick 3 big lads up front!! I cant believe you haven’t thought of this “Double face palm!”

Is it me or do the games take longer to play now..i keep having to check with the bench to see if the lads are set to fast speed…I can now make a whole flask of coffee last a whole game!! It saves going back to the burger van ever ten minutes..speaking of burger vans..when can we get these from the Rep points store…Larry the Lion is the only amusing thing worth purchasing of late…having the black leopard mascot scares the kids..so that’s no good..give us a burger van to put on the pitch or a picture of an old rusty tractor!!
Back to the Car lot for toni this week…time for him to boof up the quiff and sell some cut and shutters to the poles!

“managing a football team is like making love to the wife
or failing that a beautiful women”

And finnally...

says: (20:59:26)<:colour#0>
<:colour#4281545523>larsson lolby please <:default#>

says: (21:05:57)<:colour#0>
<:colour#4281545523>we have 48 in the Keane Chat <:emoticon#67><:default#>

come on now..cant you boys all play in the same chat rooms..do u really have to stay on your own sects...its like the "Gracious church of our lord the saviour of FML" new age churches popping up everywhere...its a community thing i guess.. oh not its not..its a lets have our own private chat room because of the takeover the lobby kids in the main world..get it up em utd!!

After the first publish of the lastest final whistle..we had complaints from our avvid reader MR Matthew Thomas of farmer land in colchester...after trawling the acrhives of google images..i found a random matt thomas picture..i believe this is him...


If you see him talking rubbish in the EFA chat room in valderamma..dont worry its because he`s been smoking manure flavoured roll ups..give em up son!

The top 24 do`s and donts!

Things to do and not to do when playing FML.

1. You must insert and amusing “middle” name into your screen name

2. You must never interact within anyone under the age of 18 as they seem to be better than you at everything, they know the answers to everything, they are quicker witted than you and all appear to want to go into politics’. God help us

3. Do not ever get chatting to anyone from a “mafia” based cult from Scotland.Do not interact with anyone who delivers milk and lives next to a graveyard...yes these people play fml

4. Learn how to sell utter rubbish for a profit...this will help your ebay career.

5. DO not ever get involved with discussions in the lobby full stop.

6. Never insert amusing adverts trying to sell mahogany sideboards in the market place..this isn’t Ebay.

7. Never Link any external sites in the lobby..even if its only for a cooling fan for a PC..this will get you a talking to by a support moderator.

8. Never offer to do Reports on your FA without first seeing a counsellor as the FML mail setup is worse than trying to send an EMAIL via AOL webmail.

9. Try and get the most irritating colour for your name so everyone puts you on ignore.

10. Try and help as much as you can in help even if there is 14 chat helpers online at once..you then get told “thanks but no thanks” when applying for a job

11. Learn the “foth” language..this includes “FU”, “FO” “Waxer” , “Cone” and “Kent”
12. Learn how to spam the EFA room with the devil emoticon

13. Remember your in a new world now and try not to discuss too much your previous worlds..even if you have been in more than you can actually remember

14. To remain unnoticed by anyone do not bid crazy money for youth players..as this will spark a 300 page discussion in your in box.

15. Never Argue with officially appointed people in the game..as they know best..honest.

16. The basics..no swearing, no racist jibes,talking about the church, or posting tasteless but highly amusing jokes that someone just text you on your iphone

17. Get as many Subscriptions as possible so it looks like you have too much time on your hands....and this way everyone get confused as to which gameworld you are in and then cancel them all at once and see people loose there jobs.

18. Get banned from ALL FML gameworlds then appear in a gw after the reset just incase SI run out of money.

19. Have the TV on whilst playing FML even tho your not actually watching it..thats what they invented I player and newsgroup download for. Turn it off, think of the Emissions!! vote green!

20. If you badly need a to go for a piss..go for a piss..”just one more game”, turns into an hour later and you have probably burst your bladder

21. Create an amusing blog to vent your frustrations on…but whatever you do don’t make it into a documentary

22. DO not sit up till midnight waiting for rankings to update..as they do every hour now!!

23. When signing into your chosen gw..please remember which world you in so you don’t make yourself look a right tit in help.

24. And Finnaly..do not whatever you do..feed a FML manager after midnight..and Deffinately do not let him see sunlight!! Oh and if you have a wife or family…make sure you have a picture of them on your desk so you don’t mistake them for being the cleaning company.

25. AND dont be embarrassed of your surname...just putting "Brad" or "Dave" or some other silly thing like "Don" or even the most annoying "SIR" in place of your full name is not good for your self esteem...man up!

Duffy in slur at Daggers Manager...

To the bat cave! oh no its the SI forums..

So...Richy T has been shuffled from power...theres a dedicated thread put up in memory of the "Great man" and i made a few comments...and eventually Duffy tells me to shut up...WELL `duffy` dont put these kind of posts in a public forum...i know anyone reading this (rik) will say STFU Kev..but nigh on short of putting flowers around the forum like they do when somone dies in a car crash...its just ludicrous..IF Rt was that well liked and well thought of at SI or Sega surely they would have found a job for him?

These things happen..i got out of supermarket management some months ago now because they were removing a tier of management..even tho i would have been safe for a while..things change quickly...as it does in any buisness..

I get all the "he done loads for me", "he helped me in my life", im sure he did..but the long and the short of it is...you were a moderator in a FOOTBALL MANAGEMENT SIMULATOR and he was all of a sudden your best mate..well great..im sure he pays your mortgage for you as well

People move on loose there jobs, homes every day..im sure he saw this coming and made plans for the future...did he do a good job...probably...i dont know..i had many an email from him regarding concerns with the game..his over-use of the emoticons was amusing and his script supplies were legendary...but was he really the "best fwend you can ever have" get a grip..

so ends the RT rant..and as DUFFY said to me in the nicest possible way STFU!

peace.

Its all about the Quick play!

Every time i sign into one of my 4 accounts..all i read is a bout Quick play this quick play that...last call...last reminder...starting at 8 blah blah!! What is going on?? Is that all people want now quick plays?? im a bit tired of it in all honesty...and lets be honest..there not really quick...they sometimes spread into the next day where people sign out after they start.

FML has gone down hill a bit lately and im just getting a bit tired of it...the continual lag is a nightmare..every night in my main account in valderdrama.

The biggest thing that is currently annoying me..is the continual mail messages when someone wins something with...oooh well done..up the st johns or up the greaves...get a grip people..those days have gone..your in new worlds now..forget all that and move on...its highly annoying...

what we need is some MR T type action...

"whats this home boy..you missing your old world? you want to play with your old buddies in the old world..chatting in the new world chat rooms with all your freinds...mix with the new boys in the new chat room...your old gameworld is gone
its finished..its been deleted...GET SOME NUTS"

Tommorow night...Daggers Manager to record an interview with the GW1 lads accross the pond...im not sure what to expect with in terms of questions...this all came about after i had a little dig on the facebook post around only speaking to fanboys and mods...then i thought..am i a fan boy?? nope...and im deffinatly not a mod..and never will be one..my rap sheet is bigger than the servers can handle!! ive only every had 1 yellow card amazingly in all my FML career...hopefully i`ll be good enough to go onto there broadcastable pod cast...i`ll try my best to give the views of the wider community and not the fan boy base!!

Lag or a Blag!

ITs not often i find myself blogging something serious and thought provoking...but theres a first time for everything!!

right lets do some maths...10 gw`s with 1000 users in each..thats 10,000 subscribers or paying customers as the great british supermakets would say...so 10,000*4.99 is 50,000 give or take a few ££ as there are subbers who still have freebies offerings from previous gw`s...

So to the point...50k per month turnover for FML roughly...not alot really is it..when u pay out wages and power and server stuff etc..

so why has the lag been so appauling in all worlds since launch...i found myself defending Sega/SI over the last few days but actually if you look its just poor management. From what ive heard its about personal data being retrieved from the old gw`s which while the old gw`s are still running are taking up valuble server space for the new compacted gw`s

Lets look at this futher..when the restart happened i think most peeked at around 350-390 online at once...as to be expected to try out the shiny new gameworlds..this has now dropped from what ive seen to around 180-220 in most worlds..im only judging this on what ive seen in the worlds im in.

but why hasnt the data retrieval been done over the last few months? why has beta not shown up all the bugs that have now been shown up since restart..the academy fiasco..well maybe because beta is poorly managed..the bug posting process is terrible..posting on a forum in the hope your post might be seen by a developer..just needs to be sharper so this kind of thing doesnt happen...im sure FM10 is played and played and played by paid beta testers to ensure retail is as good as possible..even then you find patches are released hours after retail release..but its an evolving game..even games like command and conquer 4 have already had patches applied to them...

the biggest problem SI have with FML is always going to be the funding..its such a NICH market mmo..and especially football management games..its the biggest game on the planet with millions being spend worldwide...will this ever happen to an MMO game like FML? well probably not as to SEGA its not the next sonic the hedgehog..its a football sim to a very small in comparison market...will we see versions on the iphone or console? i doubt it...theres so much more to get right before they even look at this...get the basics like lag and gameplay with finances and academies before the nice stuff...im sure most would settle for that.

will we be playing FML in 12 months time? im not sure i can answer that..you hear FM 2.0 will have the 3d Engine from FM09/10 in...but surely the current servers cant handle the current game let alone overloading it with more graphical content...

whats the answer? who knows...but i do feel theres too many people slapping people on the backm in beta...the in word is the `fanboys` the people who say yes to everythying..im not sure even tho they say the do..actually lads..that ideas a piling steaming pile of portsmouth finances..just dire..

you have to have objective views in an evolving game like this..maybe its the way its put accross...

on the whole the game is better and will last longer..but get the basic right first before anything!