The Final Whistle Special Edition!

The Dagger Blog..The Final Whistle...

In tonight’s Action packed special edition we have our usual columns from the world of FML and the REAL world..that’s right you heard it here first FML is not real it’s a game!

Tonight’s contents include:
The Dagger Report- The news from the camp!

The Diccon Brown Column- the Guru of Training returns with a World Tour Special!

The Toni Report- Swiss Toni is back with his rule on the world!

On that Bomb shell- A new bit with thought provoking comment...ish.

First tonight we head over to the Ted Bovis Training camp deep in the heart of the East end...of Essex!

The Dagger Report

With Pre-season now fully behind us the lads were eager to get stuck into the SEFA youth leagues..The seniors were of no interest really except to give the RAVENS the run around for a few games then get tonked by some nasty older boys in some other games. Monday! The big kick off had arrived..it was rather like watching re-runs of JFK being shot in History lessons at school a million times..You just knew what would happen every time..yes he got shot..SO Tuesday came and went..oh and so did Wednesday and then i think it was Thursday after that then it was a bit of a blur and by the lap of gods it was FRIDAY!! Wooo! The weekend of the 1st week of a new season....We had a riot on our hands and the lads in the campsite were restless..they had beaten each other at FIFA 09 so many times they had blisters on their hands from using the controls to much or as i suspect it was probably from tonking one off too much whilst watching channel 424 on virgin tv cos nasty uncle Michael had put parental control on the other last night entertainment channels..there not for kids apparently. But the SEFA youth leagues were started HOOORRAAHHHH! We got off to a great start..unbeaten in the u17`s until that nasty grizzly Anglo-American team put our unbeaten run to an end..then a brutal tonking at the hands of those pesky ravens brought the good start to the u17`s Sefa league to an end...oh we did manage a credible draw against those hearts lads..The u21`s and 19`s have started well and with a few new recruits on the horizon...Im very happy with the start we have made to season 2 of youth camp!! Much Love...TED.

The Diccon Brown Column..Training Guru!

Being as it holiday time, this week's seen my players on a world tour.

First stop was Spain where players were left in the centre of Madrid wearing signed Ronaldo shirts. Those that were left have proven agility and will never be phased by anything again

Next was Africa for speed training with cheetahs
USA included entry into the Ultimate Fighting Championship where da Costa my red and yellow card expert excelled. He has since dyed his hair red and yellow to celebrate.
France saw players perfecting their Gallic shrug to help in protesting their innocence.

After Skeleton Bobsled in Austria none of my players are worried by diving headers anymore.
And after a final stop in Amsterdam now has my wingers flying.

The Rags!

Being as its the summer the top five in this edition are from that game England are really good at..yes you got it..Cricket!!

...Signs the Aussie attack isn’t what it used to be

5. Overhear Mitchell Johnson Bitch. “I’m not wearing that cap with these Trousers.

4. “intense training” involved painting toenail in front of Desperate housewives.

3. “ He our new Paul McGrath.” “No don’t you men Glenn McGrath? “NOPE” “Then may god have mercy on us all.

2.”...And in comes Hilfenhaus now, mincing in from the Cathedral Road end

1. “oh, you silly sausage” does not rank among the greatest sledges of all time

The Ashes got under way in Wales, and some Australians were not happy. Ricky pointing said “If he wanted impenetrable accent , unnecessarily stupid town name, sheep and misplaced national pride. We`d have stayed at home”

The Series promises to be close. And Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe has warned that “we can`t take the Australians’ lightly and that “James Anderson” has huge responsibility”. Andrew Strauss thanks Radcliffe for his input and is now sweating on the verdict of the chuckle brothers.

Robbie Fowler will miss North Queensland furys opener of the season after picking up another injury but says he`s not there to enjoy the sun. “ I’m not here for a holiday” he said, whilst licking his 99, wearing a kiss me quick hat and riding a donkey.

Paddy Kenny could be suspended for 2 years after testing positive for the band stimulant ephedrine. Doctors also found generous traces of Curly Wurly.
In Kenny `s defence his prosecutors will struggle to say that the banned substance proved performance enhancing.

Roger Federer has revelead that he`s inspired by Mohamed Ali, Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan. Alex Bogdanovis meanwhile says he`s inspired my Neil Kinnock, Frank Spenser, Sarah Palin and the Films of Rick Moranis.

The Toni Report

Have you been hurt in an accident that wasn’t your fault? Would you like to keep 100% of the compensation! GOD im glad im back at work...i couldn’t suffer anymore daytime TV..its getting more like America every day! Although i have missed watching home and away for the fit lovely`s and countdown and deal or no deal...but hey thats what the V+ is for!! You have to be kidding me...your not gonna record that tat are you...erm no! So with not as much time to while away the hours playing FML, it’s good to be back in the working class. Its good for the soul...if you have to play a computer game this much you have problems..serious problems...get help! Its also come to my attention that am calling everyone SON at the moment at work...im going to take Ben Hibbert to court for corrupting me!! And im sure i`ll be able to keep 100% of the compensation! Its what that advert said!! Blissett the gameworld the legends...is having an average of 35-40 managers at any one time good? Not really...is it good that all official FA games are delayed for a week?? Hell no! Is it good for Official SI appointed people to be condescending to customers? Hell yeah! Of course it is! Its in the Official appointed book for all officially appointed people surely! Theres some good and some bad but theres not much point in moaning...CAN WE HELP? HELL no! Cos your not an officially appointed person and anyway we don’t like the way you talk...you`ve had enough chances i tell ya! Maybe im a bit too jazzy for you? Or maybe i actually enjoy the game and don’t want to be mugged off but power crazy people with extra buttons to press! Being an officially appointed person in an online MMO might float some peoples boat..but for me channel 424 on Virgin Media is better than that! Toni.

On that Bombshell!

“The game is great as long as you want to play long term.... I think those that come in and expect to win divisions in there first season are abruptly dragged back to reality- and after their prams have been emptied of toys, they disappear.”

Thats it for the Blog this week...next weeks edition will possibly be on Sunday night! If your lucky! Have a good week! See you on the other side!

Kev.

The Final Whistle 26-06-09

The Dagger Blog Of Blissett...

Sponsored this week by the job centre plus!

In this weeks smaller than usual Issue..i blame it on the boogie.

The Dagger Report-Kids progressing well? we ask Ted.

The Rags- Our usual top 5 and dig into the daily`s

The Diccon Brown Training tip...he`s not pissed you know!

The Toni Report-Satirical reporting from the world of FML.

Firstly this will be the last blog for a while, I will be returning to the working class of great britain next week and as of yet are unsure what kind of hours i will be workig. I hope youve enjoyed reading over the last few months..if you havent well i dont care, its been fun writing it and keeping the majority amused, i think ive done ok with that bit!


The Dagger Report.

So how are the kids doin TED? not bad..they`ve trained hard this week and are looking forward to a brand new campsite on tuesday, there perticulary excited about the new tactics whiteboard being installed...pass...SHOOT! its not difficult i tell them...but joking aside they have had a great season and there progression has been nothing short of superb. On a sad note our young mexican lad has been crippled for 5 days after a disgracefull tackle by some hooligin in an u17`s SEFA game..dirty buggers. IF he wanted the rolex off of him im sure hector would have given it to him. On a scouting point of view ive been scouring the world for new talent..kids for next seasons u17 team..im suprised there has been none come up on the radar..but maybe now that singing superstar bloke has karked it they may come out of hiding..we need some new blood in the campsite for next seasons adventures into the SEFA dungeons league! Thanks Ted, an incitefull comment as ever!

The Rags

Our top 5 this week if for that Scottish Tennis player..

Signs weight of expectation will get to Andy Murray

5.Takes courtside advice from a sock on his right hand called "DR Sockingdon"

4.Strops-Mid Match "Wheres the Queen? Lazy.I have to look at her mush every time i lick a stamp

3.No more Highland spring v Evian controversy. Why whats he been drinking..ah sweet sweet turps.

2.Runs out onto centre court,Arms out stretched, wearing a cape

1."change ends" sorry?- I thought you said underpants.

Other Tennis News..

Alex Bogdanovic insits he`s getting better every year. By the time his 73 he`ll have progressed to the status of utter dog shit!

Jelena Jankovic defended womens tennis this week. "Citing all the personalties that we have" she was then asked to name one other than serena williams and her head exploded.

Hull City fans are preparing chants for transfer target Michael Owen. To play along with the crowd. Owen will sit on the floor for 90 mins and cry into his hands for a full 90 minuetes.

Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce has been given all the transfer kitty from the santa cruz deal to man city. He not sure wether to buy a striker a midfielder or make a bid for the town of blackburn.

Patrick Vieria Could join PSG this week, but coach Antoine Kombouare says his wages could be a problem. As for the fact that he`s now absolute bobbins!

Stoke Manager Tony Pulis has told his players that they can expect big changes in the dressing room next season. Yes the showers will be made from a chrome aluminium composite.

And finally to rugby news where Gareth Hock, the Wigan Rugby league player has tested posotive for Cocaine.The club were stunned. An inquest is being held to discover how anyone living in Wigan can afford Cocaine!


The Diccon Brown Coaching Tips.

Back to basics If your youngens continually pass the ball across the goal tie them hands and feet to a roof above a crocodile pit… see how they then will do anything to get balls away from the mouth (of the goal).

If strikers can't score take them clubbing in east London… if they still can't score shoot them… it's for their own good really.

Midfielders who dwell on the ball put in the electric chair version of Mastermind… any time they get an answer wrong crank up the crank up the juice… see who starts to understand a simple pass often works wonders.

And if your keeper is having trouble with where he should be in relation to the goal half John Bobbit him… apparently if you're lacking in that area it's all about positioning.

The Toni Report

Afte blogging and reporting in Blissett for the last few months with a mixture of Real life comment from the real world and some very entertaining discussions and comic genius from the lobby. This will as already mentioned be the last blog for a while. Its been fun and has kept the old brain cells ticking over for the last 3 months whilst ive been away from work.

So what have we learnt from FML as SI/Sega launch a new pro-world and the mass rush from blissett didnt quite happen and Des Oconner has a new album out..what more can you want...we lost a few but nothing to worry about..Im sure with 1.2 arriving on Tuesday and some new marketing from those SEGA lads im sure we will see an influx of new blood to the gameworld..you never know we might even get some people come back to spend there £15m fortunes. Good lad i say! A few thankyou`s..big one to Diccon for the training reports, always amusing. All the managers who appeared in the blog and made some of the transcripts in the early editons amusing and to the mods for allowing me to post the blog within FML...im sure at times it was a little too JAZZY! but there you go..thats what its all about..a very Jazzy Football management SIM!

A parting ..this was probably one of my favourite rants from blogs past..the manager in question is now plying his trade in Whiteside..and if you get a min listen to the pod cast here...the dagger blog gets a mention at 57 mins if you get bored!

http://www.fm-britain.co.uk/2009/05/13/episode-20-vincent-eintracht/

Vincent 'Red Card' Lavezzi: (16:38:17)
And now the FML classified results starting in the Boreclays Premiership .
Stadium Investor 0 ..Team investor 2
Long term planner 0 ..Short term 1
Wreckless Wage FC 4 ..Conservative Utd..1
AI vs active player (courtesy of Diccon Brown)
Artificial City 2 . Sporting Newbie 1
Very funny stuff...a great rant..i wont broadcast the rest as the kids are watching!!

Thats it! Its been a blast!

Kev.

The Final Whistle 19-06-2009

THE FINAL WHISTLE- The final Say in a week of Football and FM Live.

The week’s Issue is sponsored by Setanta Sports.Show me the money!

In tonight’s action packed issue..

The Dagger Report- Ted Bovis and his youth camp.No tower blocks here!

Diccon Brown`s Training Tips- Tonight we go back to nature

The Rags- No top 5 tonight.Don’t do Korean gags.It’s not the done thing.

The Toni Report- From the Boardroom of the Daggers.Toni`s take on the week

The Final Thought...Just a Thought that’s all.

The Dagger Report

First we kick off with a report from Ted Bovis- Youth and First team coach of Daggers!

Its been a good week of development with these lads, the dressing rooms have been cleaned up, the mold has been removed from the shower tray and the tramp can now piss outside..simple as, there’s no room now for any slapdash changing rooms. This may have something to do with the demands of a certain young man from Mexico. The board went all out for this lad, bidding a meagre 50k wages for this lad...they finally landed the boy for 36k! But he`s gonna be great i tell you...he`s already a dab hand at the karaoke in the ballroom during the evening entertainment sessions. I’m a bit concerned though by the 60 inch plasma he had delivered from ARGO this week...its keeps the lads awake at night..Im also a bit concerned he may fall out of his bunk bed if he gets a bit carried away with the wii remote whilst playing fifa 09. But anyway how are the rest of the lads shaping up...very well..it’s been a good first season...bang in the goals and a few mishaps at the back..it’s all good learning for them...i just wish they’d be more careful when knocking 40 yard cross field passes across their 18 yard box..be careful lads!

Diccon`s training Tips:

Nature vs. Nurture

Well it's not in my nature to nurture so this week the lads are going back to nature.
Yellowstone Park style.

Defenders are training as foresters, practicing felling safely in the area, the mids are learning whittling to get their creativity going, the strikers are sent off hunting anyone without a brace when they get back gets shot and the keepers are off with the bears... well if they can cope with those one on ones...

The Rags

A look into the funnies from the daily rags in London...a few of the best ones from the real world of sport and football

North Korea qualified for World Cup 2010, where they will most likely exit at the group stages. OR, as the Korean press will report it: “KIM JONG Il Hat-trick inspires world cup glory”.

Sky player means you can watch the ashes on the computer at work. It’s great news for cricket lovers, who can follow the action. And better news for HR departments, as those pesky cutbacks are made a little easier “HOWIZEEEE”...well out of a job!
Amanda Holden was at ROYAL ASCOT on Tuesday, apparently she won. Its hard to tell as she tends to look startled most of the time

The IRAN football team showed support for Mir Hosseien Mousavi by wearing green armbands this week. England once showed comparable levels of unity when lampsy and wazza split a round of cristal.

Sheikh Hamden Bin Mohamed al Maktoum is under investigation for horse doping offences. Suspicions were aroused when the horse was found in its stable listening to early Genesis and laughing hysterically at the Queens hat.

Jenso Button says its his talent and not his car that is taking him to the formula 1 title. He has to be commended. Not for winning but for keeping a straight face when he said that.

And Finally, Chelseas Didier Drogba was this week banned from four Champions League games, meaning the only appalling acting and Tuesday and Wednesday evenings can be seen on Hollyoaks..for those that don’t know its a British Teen Soap thing!

The Toni Report

“Im currently the 3rd team in my gameworld and my stadium avg attendance was 45k. But my winger (one of my best player) get injured for 4 days so i stop to play official games.”

Ive lost 10k avg attendance during this period
“Wenger says to Fergie..sorry we cant play this week...fabregas isnt felling well and adebeyor has a nose bleed..can we make it the week after??”

“oh yeh sure...dont worry..i hope they feel better soon and to be honest tevez and rooney have the flu anyway.”
hang on you stopped playing Official games during the injury periods....WHY?? thats the game surely...alot of people do this..doesnt make sense to me..if this was FM08/09 you couldnt do it...this annoys alot of people..

"oh im not playing any games until all my players are fit and my team is in form"
rubbish...buy more players for your squad.

“It depends if you think that fml is a real simulator of football managing or not. I think its only fantasy football, thats why i want to play when my team is full fit and not when my team cant play with all my better players.”

This was the amusing conversation i had with some chap on the forums this week..ive just realised im doing it all wrong...so in that case if ANY of my players get injured or loose form thats it im not playing *stamps feet*

Rubbish its a football management sim where its more true to life than you think...clubs are snapping up young kids on crazy wages...WHY?? well every other mug does so i might as well...36k for a 16 year old..is that too much? Well not really..but is 200k a week for a diving over paid pre-maddonna who goes down well in the box but hacks a mean freekick..well dam right it is...thats just bonkers! And is anyone really worth £80m?? Hmmmmm....no but its like buying a house...if someone wants to give you 200k for your 3 bed semi in suburbia then you take it don’t you! Its the old its only ever gonna be worth what people are prepared to pay...so 80m seems reasonable to me...Fergie can pick up a few players for that and maybe pay for the lads to have a night out? Remember the last time you did that fergie!
To the second week of a new season and SEFA is going well for its maden season, England are out of the 20-20 cricket and England u21 have coasted into the semi`s where no doubt they`ll be sent packing after missing a few penalties.
FML this week...The usual 40 suspects trudging away from around 8pm and all the dual account maniacs will be doing battle in the Pro world on Tuesday...will Swiss Toni be making an appearance there? Maybe-maybe not...am i losing the will to live? Not yet!

Toni

The Final Thought

You know strange as it may seem..even football ultimately isnt that important in life..it’s meant to be entertainment..same as FML..if it’s not then time to take a break..Get laid more it helps a lot!

Have a good week
Kev.

The Final Whistle 12-06-2009

The Final Whistle. The Dagger Blog of Blissett GW..12-06.2009

Is This week Sponsored by the IPHONE 3GS!! Why don’t they launch it just after i get one!(oh they did)

In this Weeks Limited Kebab edition-
The Dagger Report- Winds of change at the CCS Arena
The Lobbyists- A welcome return to the banter from the lobby
The Rags- Our usual top shelf look at the Press..it’s all `Real` you know!
The Toni Report- From the Boardroom at the Daggers Stadium..Toni`s thoughts on the world

The Dagger Report- With Ted Bovis..Hi-De-HI!

Swiss Toni and Jesse`s Love affair with Pardo and CO finally came to an end last Sunday afternoon as winds of change swept through the CCS arena as the old guard was wiped away and a steady airport moving walkway was installed and near on 40 brand new kids were ushered into the Holiday complex newly built near the Daggers Training complex..well i say complex..its more of a bit of grass with an old brick built changing room with shower where tramps piss and you can knock your boots off on those brush things attached to the walls and where the windows are slightly yellow with green mold on..nice tho. The start of the season loomed and these lads were itching to get on with developing into the best group of kids the world have ever seen....ive joined the managers who constantly scour the markets for that elusive 5 star player!! Although im sure all teams will gladly play the daggers kids at senior level...be afraid..the daggers kids are getting better! See you in a few seasons!! Ted.

The Lobbyists

The funny bits from the lobby this week!

Sam Worger says: (16:34:48) I can tell if there going to be a superstar when there in the womb!

Jim _: says: (16:35:41) Ah man my cat just put her foot in my coffee

Sam Worger says: (16:42:17) the wage auctions are like airports, you go in with your bag packed with great players, and when you arrive at the end BA have lost your baggage

Gary Harrison says: (16:45:02)I still can’t believe u don’t get square sausage in England....UN believable

Ross Allan says: (16:39:51)
A moderator said to me what part of don’t swear don’t you understand I said well would you believe me if I suffered from dyslexia

The Rags

A quick look at what’s happening in the world with our usual dip into the daily rags and blah!

This Week`s top 5..

Things to ask yourself before spending £80m on a footballer...
5.Tell me, why is the western world so hated?
4.Whats our motivation: the acquisition of a rare talent, or the thought of sir Alex Ferguson going absolutely mental?
3.Can he give the same qualities as he did at man utd: Grit gile and the ability to be a complete git
2.Have Denilson,Crespo,Veron and Shevchenko not taught us that big money signings do not always work?
1.From Fransico Franco to Ronaldo-What is it about real Madrid and deplorable right wingers

Ronaldo spent Wednesday night with Paris Hilton: OR as the union is now know, ORANGE Wednesday.

RONALDO AND PARIS? Well they are both well known for going down easily

He`s Sulky self obsessed and strangely orange. But like him or or not, Phill Brown did a great job keeping Hull in the top flight.

Congratulations to Bob Crow and the striking tube workers! Because in future when we think of selfish, overpaid greedy whinging tossers we wont be thinking of footballers..Nice one.

I belong to jesus! “KAKA once trilled. Has football not had enough 3rd party ownership?

THE FA`s descision to reimburse England ticket due to the tube strike could cost them £1m. To cover the amount David Beckham will belch into a hanky and sell on ebay.

And Well done to man city for summing the club up yesterday. “yeah, We`ll hold the Gareth Barry press conference on Thursday morning. Quite news day=loads of coverage. Oh hang on i hear theres a spot of news from Madrid!

England coach Fabio Capello looks utterly appalled by his team's start in Almaty and he is in lively form on the bench, even appearing to brush against Stuart Pearce at one point. Steady on, Fabio. He's not called Psycho for nothing.

The Toni Report

From the boardroom of the Daggers Utd CCS Arena we find Swiss Toni in thoughtful mood..thats not a word you normally associate with the Daggers Director of football!
In just a little over 3 hours time the Gameworld will shudder at the prospect of a 16year old Mexican going for i would say atleast 50k wages...crazy stuff, makes the 80m Ronaldo deal look almost sensible. So which lucky manager will have a 16 year old on mega bucks? We shall see at just after midnight tonight. Its not right really is it? Well no but theres not really much choice unless you want to while the night away trudging through senior game after senior game..just becomes pointless..theres only every gonna be a handfull of managers who ever get to that elusive no1 spot..but does it matter? No not really, its about the community spirit and banter in the lobby...who are we kidding eh! Its a football management sim which is so highly addictive its caused a melt down on people lives...its caused FML managers to have a faster typing speed than some of the best typist in the world! Its the 2nd biggest cause now of obesity in the world with more food consumed the the EU food mountain...even pot noodle sales are up! TO those managers who don’t login anymore? What can i say...have you got anything else better not to do? Well yes you probably have, but you can’t just help having a little peak to see if your fiancés allow you to purchase a 2m super youth! We know who you are! “I HATE THIS GAME AND IM RUBBISH AT IT” sure you are!


Have a good week...keep it real..

Kev.

The Final Whistle 05-06-2009

The Dagger Blog, Blissett Gamworld Edition

The week sponsored by The Job Centre Plus.

The Dagger Report- Today will mostly be with Jesse the Coach
The Diccon Brown Column- Training Methods from the Legend himself!
The Rags-A look into the real world and the end of the season
The Toni Report- booted again!

The Dagger blog is back after last week’s break because of world cup fever hitting the GW..With Toni Flying out to Mexico to take charge of a The Mexicans and taking them to a creditble Semi Final spot..Losing to Poland...but they did manage to beat the Brazilians!

The Dagger Report

The end of another AEFA season saw Daggers UTD relegated back to the championship...but fear not because the Board of the Daggers has decided to take the whole shabang to a new FA..SEFA!! SUPER! WHY i hear you cry...our maybe you don’t mind the team wanted to play more human v human games and 60 games a season is so much better than 40.and with the completion of the 22,000 all seater stadium complete oh i lied theres still 1 block of terracing for nostalga purposes .it just never seemed 40 games is never going to be enough...it promises to be an exciting time for all SEFA teams..with 36 signed up to date and a weekend push to fill it up..It will be the most active FA that’s for sure...so don’t delay join SEFA today! Ud have thought they’d pay me for all the advertising wouldn’t you?

The Diccon Brown Column

This week’s training Methods.

This week, after some poor form, my team have been sent back to school.
Strikers are studying geography, they cant find the net, let's see if they can even find what country they're in.

Keepers are taking shop, they've been relying on the woodwork so much they may as well learn how to use it properly.

The midfield are supervising the playground so they can learn to break up play.
And the defence are driving the school bus, hopefully they can learn to park it.

The Rags

A quick look at what’s happening in the world with our usual dip into the daily rags and blah blah blah!

This Week`s top 5..
....Jobs Tony Adams thinks he can do next.

5. Pop on a dress, and hey presto you`ve got yourself a new fern britton!
4.Be the architect of Celtics celebrations next season and drive the open top bus
3.Cheif senator to her highness queen Estrada, ruler of Zoltan 5 of the alpha nebula
2.Do to expense-fiddling MP`s what he did to that brick wall in 1990
1. Manager a well-know competitive outfit..The Runcorn branch of Tesco


* Tony Adams says he`s in the running for the Celtic job. Yes, the Scottish giants are bored of the perennial two-horse race and fancy a relegation battle

* Steve Bruce had managed clubs based in Huddersfield, Sheffield, Croydon, Wigan and now Sunderland. Bruce either A) wants to climb the managerial ladder; or B) Shares the same booking agent as bobby davro

* Bruce said he want to take Sunderland forward. That either means a top ten finish, or hot running water for everyone.

* Big brother is back! A group of desperate wannabes are thrown together and expected to survive in harmony whilst providing entertainment, even though the nation knows it will end in tears and despair. Rumour has it Mike Ashley is looking to buy the rights

*Susan Boyle fell short of the final of Britains got Talent Last week. An eccentric Scot who lairises opinion, got a bit for their britches ,does like the media, and bottle it on the big stage. On the bright side she`s being lined up as the next manager of Man Utd.

* Roberto Martinez returns to wigan as manager. When he last played for the latics he was the most exotic thing to come to the area since the introduction of the inside toilet.

And finally..I was going to write a gag regarding Australian Cricketer Andrew Symonds but I don’t wanna upset Myron.

The Toni Report

Ah..the toni report, now how can we survive a week without some edgy comment from the king of controversy..its a tricky one. Last week Toni was hauled before the FA committee and stripped once again of his chat helper status...the ever controversial, hard hitting coach of Daggers Utd was described this week as “a blunt instrument”...nice! probably true but never one to shy a way from controversy..although he has found that the IGNORE manager button works a bloody treat..i wonder how many use it on him...does he really care? Not really..its only a game! With the announcement this week of 3 more gameworld`s on route and one of them being a pro-world...will you be leaving? I hope not..many of us remember the Tom`s fiasco.. One final thought for anyone who is going to join the new pro world - GOOD LUCK! At first it may seem like a great idea to go and join 999 other pro-managers however I imagine the reality will be anything but. It will be worse than Toms ever was; a world jammed full of short-term thinking, glory hunting hoppers. JP will be abundant and prices will be astronomical from the start. It will be carnage. Granted there might be the odd exception but I'll bet a pound to a penny that this new gameworld will be an unqualified disaster, full of bitching and endless moaning and problems.

See you all in SEFA for some human on human fun!
Have a good one..
Kev.

The Final Whistle 22.5.2009

The Dagger Blog, Blissett Gamworld Edition

The week sponsored by mostly being a chat helper
In this weeks end of the Premiership Season edition!
The Dagger Report- With NEW COACH! Jesse! Who will be mostly training players better than Toni!
The Diccon Brown Column- Training Methods from the Legend himself
The Rags-A look into the real world and the end of the season
Sex or Football? Read on!
The Toni Report- is anybody there?

The Dagger Report



After 25 games in charge of the Daggers in the AEFA premiership, Swiss Toni has been moved to the Board Room and Jesse has been put in tempary charge of Team affairs that’s unless he has to have heart bypass surgery and we have to get someone from match of the day in to give it a go. It all started so well..some promising performances have turned into a shocking run of results. The daggers are now predicted to finish 3rd bottom and yo-yo back to the championship. It might be good for them some say, but playing this game is all about winning isn’t it? There’s player unrest in the Daggers Dressing Room and Loss of form to key players..The normal Solid Defence is leaking more than member of parliaments expenses sheet and Pardo just can’t score! With the Sale of the entire youth academy to a Columbian drug cartel in exchange for some Columbian footballers who each came with there own suitcases full of Columbian coffee beans, the Cartel was set up as part of the youth acadamey...looks a bit dodgy to me! But i just train them..and keep them away from white lines says jesse...who this week will mainly be overseeing our return to the championship!

The Diccon Brown Column
This week my team have been learning some of the lesser celebrated aspects of the fine game. Strikers have been at the local diving pool, scoring bonus points for distance and number of tumbles in the air, girly shrieks was also encouraged. The defenders sent on computer courses to learn hacking. Keepers sent to church to get used to putting their hands together in front of a higher power so they can imply the striker, both of whose legs are still in the arms of the keeper, must have dived. And the Midfield have been sent to minder school so they know how to gather round one person looking intimidating for any time a ref might make a "wrong" decision.

The Rags

A quick look at what’s happening in the world with our usual dip into the daily rags and blah!

This Week`s top 5..from The premierships beleaguered French manager
Signs Arsene Wenger is losing interest at Arsenal,
5.Out: Frantic mimes From the Dugout. IN:The Macarena
4.Begins every team talk with a weary “ive never like you f***ckers!”
3.”What should we eat before matchdays gaffer? “Vienetta and chips, knock yerselfs out!”
2. “This match should be interesting considering i soacked all your jock straps in a vat of Raljex”
1.”ZUT alors! First i loose my tactics sheet now i loose my trousers!

But worse news this week for arsenal fans this week, Wenger could be off which could me yet another manager coming in and leading them to no trophy`s next season.
Burnley went on a four day trip to Portugal this week, to give them a chance to relax and unwind and to see what an aero-plane looks like close up!

The Clarets are relishing the playoff final and a chance to come to London. Or as their fans call is the big scary place where the queen lives

Cricket news now and Shoiab Akhtar is out of the 20-20 world cup due to “genital warts”.Pakistan will have an injury to deal with when he finds the person who leaked the news and punches him in the mouth.

Andrew Symonds has been dropped by Australlia for the Ashes Tour. But given he once missed training to go fishing, punched a man and admitted to ogling a team mates wife, Symonds will be celebrated in his homeland on a series of stamps.

The Ashes squad was picked by Merv hughes and David Boon. The only way they could get more Australlian is if they changed there official badge to a picture of Lou Carpenter severely beating Dame Edna with a didgeridoo

The last dance of the drowning clubs will be on show this weekend, with some hoping to continue their waltz in the top flight.

Hull City have a dodgy fixture as they host a club that has already won the Premier League, and is looking at adding another trophy to their long list of laurels. Sir Alex may choose to field a second string line-up in order to give some of his important players a rest before the final of the Champions League. This could prompt the Tigers to produce a confident performance, which may see them survive in the relegation battle.

There will be a heated game at Villa Park, where Newcastle will walk onto the pitch knowing that they will be playing one of the biggest games in the history of their club. Anything less than a win will see them playing in the Football League next season. However, even a win may not steady the Toon, since their fate depends on the results of Hull City, and Sunderland. Either one of the aforementioned teams would have to drop points if the roar has to reach Tyneside.

Elsewhere, Middlesbrough are mathematically out of contention, but a queer turn of events could see them avoiding the axe. But it appears highly unlikely that the tide will turn in their favour. Irrespective of their bleak chances, the team will want to put out a strong performance as they go out with their heads held high, or survive in style.

Footy or sex?

New research out today shows that over half of UK men think about football for 10 per cent of the day. The research, carried out by Sports Interactive and SEGA, creators and publishers of Football Manager Live, found almost two thirds (58 per cent) of men think about the beautiful game for more than an hour a day, with just 44 per cent thinking about sex for more than an hour. To aid focus while fantasising about footy, the creators of Football Manager Live have developed a unique 'Concentration Gum', which is available to subscribers of Football Manager Live, the new Massively Multiplayer Online Game from the creators of the Football Manager series. Miles Jacobson, Studio Director of Sports Interactive, said: "Traditionally it is well-documented that men think about sex all the time, but this research proves that men are more obsessed with the beautiful game than they are with the fairer sex. Some top football managers chew gum while concentrating on a big game - and if it works for Sir Alex Ferguson then it's good enough for us!"

The Toni Report

What is up with Blissett then...with no more than 40-60 managers on this world isn’t looking good is it? Why? Im not sure..it looked so bright at the start of the season when 40 odd new managers joined us...although this actually isn’t that good when you consider 85 new managers joined greaves in there pre-season. HMMM! There was a report on the FML website about the state of the economies in FML and Blissett has the worst. I think the biggest problem is that there are a crop of manager who seem to think there Steve Gibson, Nice Stadium steve..shit team..or nice Stadium, the team i really cant be bothered with. Then theres the crop of managers who seem intent on giving 15-16 yr old kids 20k wages! WHY! Your ruining our world, the kids are running riot, there buying fast sports cars and prostitutes they cant drive and there shooting isn’t good enough yet..20k wages! Ur mad!! Theres no answer to it as each to there own...The Dagger Board have spent 1.4m on the stadium trying to keep up...but alas my 1.4m wasn’t good enough...ooooh well is that all?? i spent 3.4m on mine just 5 mins ago...well good for you you mug, its a football management game..its not sim city! Go get urself a WII and a bag of wotsits and some good porno`s, i don’t really care!

To life in the championship once again..I hope the World doesn’t die and we have a spark of inspirtation from somewhere..you never know some mods might admit there wrong sometimes, maybe marriage will mellow them...listen to your community...cos if you don’t..there will be some big rubber hand waving as we close the door behind us, lets just hope they don’t open a new semi or pro gameworld as i think there will be a rush to the transfer button

Have a good one..
Kev.

The Final Whitle-Blissett Gw Edition 15.6.2009

The Dagger Blog. Blissett Gameworld Edition 15/06/2009

Is this week proudly sponsored by Ally Dale (pure inspiration)Fragrance for Men?

In this week’s handy email sized Edition..

Life in the Prem...1st Team coach Swiss Toni and his first week`s report from the AEFA Prem
The Diccon Brown Column...Diccons guide to training methods
TV favourites....can you watch TV and play FML at the same time?
The Real World...Our usual dip into the freebies and online Forums..
The Toni Report...A Swiss eyed view at the Gameworld and what the state of play is

Life in the Prem

We managed to grab a minute with Daggers Utd first team coach Swiss Toni...”The first game of the season we suffered out first defeat and to be honest more than expected to the Morose Maruaders..but with a respectable 3-2 scorline..things didn’t look so bad..perticular pleasure came in the next 4 games...2 draws to Ben Hibberts Dynamos and a 2 wins against the much fancied Norfolk N Chance gave the daggers dressing room a glimmer of hope for the rest of the season...However with 2 defeats against Korsten and Buckfast the reality of premiership life had hit us.perticularly the next 4 games produced no wins although 2 draws against the Grizzlies and Pumas..the spirit was lifted....Next came BHA..Rikki Hawkins had rememeber which team to log in under and 2 defeats were again registered on the league table for the daggers, with a further Defeat against Puma`s it looks like its going to be a hard struggle from here on in. The youth side were fairing well with a couple of top class loans in from the Dublin Hearts we were doing well..amusingly because of an administrative cock up with the AEFA organisation the Daggers Board have decide to cash in on the youth wages and just Loan em in for the rest of the campaign!! Its like a branch of blockbusters in the dressing room when the youth have a game! I keep having to scan people membership cards and give them free bottles of coke and bags of revels!

The Diccon Brown Column
This weeks training Methods..

I gave the boys a week off for some team building exercises
Keepers went paintballing... or rather were tied up as the practice target dummies to help them get used to stopping shots. The defence were taken to see how castrato singers get their dulcet tones... they're now a lot more concerned about their tackles. Strikers had a stint as deep sea trawler men to help them find the net. Wingers took a week in intensive labour camps to help them learn about an end product. And the midfield were enlisted and sent to a war zone... one way or another I'll have midfield generals.

They're all now VERY keen to get back to training as normal

TV favourites....can you watch TV and play FML at the same time?

It occurred to me today that i sit playing FML in front of me and the TV is always on...so what is your top ten background TV programmes...i say background cos u don’t really watch them properly do you?
In no Particular order heres what normally on for me...

Top Gear on Dave or Dave Ja Vu...that’s witty isn’t it..genius
Mock the Week on Dave
Dragons Den on Dave
MOTD on BBC
MOTD on BBC 2
Casualty on BBC (the Mrs. has control here)
CSI on LIVING +1+2 or Channel 5
Only fools and Horses on Gold or +1
The Vicar of Dibley on Gold or +1
MASH on Comedy Central

Couldn’t think of a 10th...so its down to the flick through of all channels on the virgin box..stopping at Sons of Arnorchy, Have i Got news for you, Buzzcocks, The A-Team..and if im really desperate for some background TV sounds..setanta or skysports news, CNN or BBC news..

Or heres an IDEA...just turn the bloody thing off Cos your not REALLY watching it are you?? I’m sure I should really be out with the lads, down the pub, but hang on I’ve done all that for the last 20 years and besides i can always chat to them on MSN or they text me endless jokes about swine flu.. so now its come to this...with my 19th month old daughter safely tucked up in her sleepsuit kicking nine bells out of the bars on the COT..i can finnaly have some piece and quite..AHHHH. well almost cos the TV is on don’t forget!

The Real World
This week we look around the Forums and the bits of the freebies that are actually quite funny and topical!
When FML has taken over and that I can’t bring myself to play FM09 anymore..

Always been a complete addict to FM games, but FML just blows it to bits, every minute I was playing FM09 I felt like I was wasting good time that could be spent on FML. For a while I was playing both at the same time, but that just made me feel like I wasn’t paying enough attention to FML!!!!

Football manager is like your long term girlfriend that you were comfortable with and FML is like her bigger chested, smutty supermodel sister in law who started popping round to take you dogging when your long term girlfriend was at the gym etc

Although for comfort and nostalgia reasons you still hang out with your old girl friend every now and then but its not the same, the supermodel has you 100% under her thumb!

Thanks SI, you managed to quench one obsession whilst getting me hooked on something even more addictive!

INTERSTING...A New FA on the horizon?
The White Van Man FA (TWVM)

Monday to Thursday 6pm-10pm as he works 9-5

Friday no times as he’s off down the pub with his mates

Saturday 9am-12pm- bit of FML before he sets off to the pub before the match

Sunday 12pm-10pm what better way is there to spend a Sunday other then FML while watching footy on the box?


Our Top 5 this week comes from the Free London Paper...not the dodgy Lite one tho!
THINGS YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR FROM A FOOTBALLER

5” Of course i`ll sign your autograph, Junior. In exchange for your hot, Slutty looking mum`s phone number!
4.”Failed the breathalyser? HA! Well, thank god this isn’t a drugs test!
3.”Wait till they find out we`ve been claiming expenses!
2.The fans, the chairman, this clubs proud history. These are 3 things i ignored most when signing. I came for the cash!
1.”im on thousands a week.I don’t Train. I miss every other game. Tell me, why do the public not like us?

With Man Utd 1 point from the Title,Sir Alex has warned against complacentcy. HE began an impromptu conga, popped open a bottle of champagne, clapped his hands and chanted “easy,easy,easy”

Paul Gascoigne will be appearing on the next series of im a celebrity get me out of here. He`ll have to live rough,sleep outdoors and eat insects. It`ll be just like 2008 for him!

Harry Redknapp has banned booze at spurs after Ledley King staggered out of a nightclub.” You shouldn’t put diesel in a Ferrari, or in Kings case an Austin Allegro with a wonky tyre. "You've only got to go abroad in the summer to certain parts of the world, you see drunken kids laying around, acting like maniacs, causing problems and it's a problem we've had in this country for years now," added Redknapp.
King Himself took 2 steps forward and 8 steps back, 3 forward, eight back and six forward. Its not clear wether he was drunk, or trying to interpret Spurs recent history through the medium of dance

And finally this week Chelsea`s Ashley cole is sick on a hairdresser, Ledley King staggers from a nightclub and ends up weating his pants in a police cell , Arsenal Nicklas bendtner is caught with his jeans round his knees. The Pressure must be mounting on Fulham and West Ham to do something TRULY remarkable!

The Toni Report (sponsored by www.blissett.org)
Another week is over in FML and its business as usual really, the rantings from newbie’s about not having there cups started and that no bugger is on to play..there’s 450 million managers on in Shearer gw..well i know what would do then pal!! Only kidding...just take it easy! Join the fun in the lobby...tune in at 12:11 for a usual insite into everyone’s finances..oh look at me ive got a massive daily profit and your all shit!! Well thanks that`ll make me sleep easy now you sad people! Why do we play this game? Because we are all aspiring Football managers? Is it in the bloody that most Male Uk inhabaties just have to have some kind of football shoot up every day? Well it beat`s crack cocaine any day...apparently...and then theres the managers that comes on now and again just to check if his/her`s bank account has been boosted enough to be bothered to play at all, ah don’t worry i`ll be back in a couple of seasons by which time i`ll have 5-6 million in the bank and you can all sod off cos im going to be be the best...or there’s the manager who just hates the game! Did we force you to sign in tonight? No...its the drugs!! Get me to rehab!!

That’s it..have a good second week of Season 5 and rememeber...think of the environment...do you really need the TV on?
Kev Flack (Swiss Chat helper Toni)