The top 24 do`s and donts!

Things to do and not to do when playing FML.

1. You must insert and amusing “middle” name into your screen name

2. You must never interact within anyone under the age of 18 as they seem to be better than you at everything, they know the answers to everything, they are quicker witted than you and all appear to want to go into politics’. God help us

3. Do not ever get chatting to anyone from a “mafia” based cult from Scotland.Do not interact with anyone who delivers milk and lives next to a graveyard...yes these people play fml

4. Learn how to sell utter rubbish for a profit...this will help your ebay career.

5. DO not ever get involved with discussions in the lobby full stop.

6. Never insert amusing adverts trying to sell mahogany sideboards in the market place..this isn’t Ebay.

7. Never Link any external sites in the lobby..even if its only for a cooling fan for a PC..this will get you a talking to by a support moderator.

8. Never offer to do Reports on your FA without first seeing a counsellor as the FML mail setup is worse than trying to send an EMAIL via AOL webmail.

9. Try and get the most irritating colour for your name so everyone puts you on ignore.

10. Try and help as much as you can in help even if there is 14 chat helpers online at once..you then get told “thanks but no thanks” when applying for a job

11. Learn the “foth” language..this includes “FU”, “FO” “Waxer” , “Cone” and “Kent”
12. Learn how to spam the EFA room with the devil emoticon

13. Remember your in a new world now and try not to discuss too much your previous worlds..even if you have been in more than you can actually remember

14. To remain unnoticed by anyone do not bid crazy money for youth players..as this will spark a 300 page discussion in your in box.

15. Never Argue with officially appointed people in the game..as they know best..honest.

16. The basics..no swearing, no racist jibes,talking about the church, or posting tasteless but highly amusing jokes that someone just text you on your iphone

17. Get as many Subscriptions as possible so it looks like you have too much time on your hands....and this way everyone get confused as to which gameworld you are in and then cancel them all at once and see people loose there jobs.

18. Get banned from ALL FML gameworlds then appear in a gw after the reset just incase SI run out of money.

19. Have the TV on whilst playing FML even tho your not actually watching it..thats what they invented I player and newsgroup download for. Turn it off, think of the Emissions!! vote green!

20. If you badly need a to go for a piss..go for a piss..”just one more game”, turns into an hour later and you have probably burst your bladder

21. Create an amusing blog to vent your frustrations on…but whatever you do don’t make it into a documentary

22. DO not sit up till midnight waiting for rankings to update..as they do every hour now!!

23. When signing into your chosen gw..please remember which world you in so you don’t make yourself look a right tit in help.

24. And Finnaly..do not whatever you do..feed a FML manager after midnight..and Deffinately do not let him see sunlight!! Oh and if you have a wife or family…make sure you have a picture of them on your desk so you don’t mistake them for being the cleaning company.

25. AND dont be embarrassed of your surname...just putting "Brad" or "Dave" or some other silly thing like "Don" or even the most annoying "SIR" in place of your full name is not good for your self esteem...man up!

Duffy in slur at Daggers Manager...

To the bat cave! oh no its the SI forums..

So...Richy T has been shuffled from power...theres a dedicated thread put up in memory of the "Great man" and i made a few comments...and eventually Duffy tells me to shut up...WELL `duffy` dont put these kind of posts in a public forum...i know anyone reading this (rik) will say STFU Kev..but nigh on short of putting flowers around the forum like they do when somone dies in a car crash...its just ludicrous..IF Rt was that well liked and well thought of at SI or Sega surely they would have found a job for him?

These things happen..i got out of supermarket management some months ago now because they were removing a tier of management..even tho i would have been safe for a while..things change quickly...as it does in any buisness..

I get all the "he done loads for me", "he helped me in my life", im sure he did..but the long and the short of it is...you were a moderator in a FOOTBALL MANAGEMENT SIMULATOR and he was all of a sudden your best mate..well great..im sure he pays your mortgage for you as well

People move on loose there jobs, homes every day..im sure he saw this coming and made plans for the future...did he do a good job...probably...i dont know..i had many an email from him regarding concerns with the game..his over-use of the emoticons was amusing and his script supplies were legendary...but was he really the "best fwend you can ever have" get a grip..

so ends the RT rant..and as DUFFY said to me in the nicest possible way STFU!

peace.

Its all about the Quick play!

Every time i sign into one of my 4 accounts..all i read is a bout Quick play this quick play that...last call...last reminder...starting at 8 blah blah!! What is going on?? Is that all people want now quick plays?? im a bit tired of it in all honesty...and lets be honest..there not really quick...they sometimes spread into the next day where people sign out after they start.

FML has gone down hill a bit lately and im just getting a bit tired of it...the continual lag is a nightmare..every night in my main account in valderdrama.

The biggest thing that is currently annoying me..is the continual mail messages when someone wins something with...oooh well done..up the st johns or up the greaves...get a grip people..those days have gone..your in new worlds now..forget all that and move on...its highly annoying...

what we need is some MR T type action...

"whats this home boy..you missing your old world? you want to play with your old buddies in the old world..chatting in the new world chat rooms with all your freinds...mix with the new boys in the new chat room...your old gameworld is gone
its finished..its been deleted...GET SOME NUTS"

Tommorow night...Daggers Manager to record an interview with the GW1 lads accross the pond...im not sure what to expect with in terms of questions...this all came about after i had a little dig on the facebook post around only speaking to fanboys and mods...then i thought..am i a fan boy?? nope...and im deffinatly not a mod..and never will be one..my rap sheet is bigger than the servers can handle!! ive only every had 1 yellow card amazingly in all my FML career...hopefully i`ll be good enough to go onto there broadcastable pod cast...i`ll try my best to give the views of the wider community and not the fan boy base!!

Lag or a Blag!

ITs not often i find myself blogging something serious and thought provoking...but theres a first time for everything!!

right lets do some maths...10 gw`s with 1000 users in each..thats 10,000 subscribers or paying customers as the great british supermakets would say...so 10,000*4.99 is 50,000 give or take a few ££ as there are subbers who still have freebies offerings from previous gw`s...

So to the point...50k per month turnover for FML roughly...not alot really is it..when u pay out wages and power and server stuff etc..

so why has the lag been so appauling in all worlds since launch...i found myself defending Sega/SI over the last few days but actually if you look its just poor management. From what ive heard its about personal data being retrieved from the old gw`s which while the old gw`s are still running are taking up valuble server space for the new compacted gw`s

Lets look at this futher..when the restart happened i think most peeked at around 350-390 online at once...as to be expected to try out the shiny new gameworlds..this has now dropped from what ive seen to around 180-220 in most worlds..im only judging this on what ive seen in the worlds im in.

but why hasnt the data retrieval been done over the last few months? why has beta not shown up all the bugs that have now been shown up since restart..the academy fiasco..well maybe because beta is poorly managed..the bug posting process is terrible..posting on a forum in the hope your post might be seen by a developer..just needs to be sharper so this kind of thing doesnt happen...im sure FM10 is played and played and played by paid beta testers to ensure retail is as good as possible..even then you find patches are released hours after retail release..but its an evolving game..even games like command and conquer 4 have already had patches applied to them...

the biggest problem SI have with FML is always going to be the funding..its such a NICH market mmo..and especially football management games..its the biggest game on the planet with millions being spend worldwide...will this ever happen to an MMO game like FML? well probably not as to SEGA its not the next sonic the hedgehog..its a football sim to a very small in comparison market...will we see versions on the iphone or console? i doubt it...theres so much more to get right before they even look at this...get the basics like lag and gameplay with finances and academies before the nice stuff...im sure most would settle for that.

will we be playing FML in 12 months time? im not sure i can answer that..you hear FM 2.0 will have the 3d Engine from FM09/10 in...but surely the current servers cant handle the current game let alone overloading it with more graphical content...

whats the answer? who knows...but i do feel theres too many people slapping people on the backm in beta...the in word is the `fanboys` the people who say yes to everythying..im not sure even tho they say the do..actually lads..that ideas a piling steaming pile of portsmouth finances..just dire..

you have to have objective views in an evolving game like this..maybe its the way its put accross...

on the whole the game is better and will last longer..but get the basic right first before anything!

Its all about Alan!

The phrase of the moment..

`Thats Lovely Alan`

everyone knows a dave right...but i can bet your life you know an Alan as well...but the whole gag is based around confusion..

try it..if someone texts you..reply with `Thats lovely Alan` the recipitent will look at there phone in some confusion..yes yes..i know its dumb! but life is dumb!:-)

Back to footballing matters...The Daggers have had a patchy start to pre-season even with the early first games promise...so it was time to turn to the youth! yet again the big youth wage battle is on..and having missed out on a few during the early bouts of crazy wage paying i managed to snap a couple of kids up from the regens! who needs an academy and waiting 7-14 days for some right dodgy tatt to come out of it..you`d have a better chance of getting some promising kids from the local teen disco!

Amsuingly i did manage to force someone to pay 7k wages after a late minute 6999k wage bit! For what is no more than a shot in the dark and `his stats look good to me` sure 7k will be alright, after all i did get a right load of old hackney marsh rejects in my original dirty 50!

What you really need is David Gold and Sullivan to give you a team talk...that`l do the trick..i see Franco Zola has banned them from the dressing room...hmmm...i know you own the place lads...but id rather you didnt talk to the lads at the moment..there a bit sensitive and furnishing them with copies of the Sunday sport will just un-settle them.

I think i`ll get them into my dressing room with some topless lovelies! boost the old morale a bit..thats what we need in the RP store..some good old adult smutt!! you give us the finger and a pile of poo..how bout some tits! theres plenty of tits in the world! may as well have a emoticon to go with them!

The Drunken late night purchase...had a few too many blue cans or green ones with world cup tokens on them? made some terrible purchases...shame!! have you not learnt yet...we`ve been beta testing this for 2 years now and we still purchase tatt!! its like a drunken ebay bid!

Have SI not learnt yet...they have opened a new LIVE world..Franscescoli!! i really hope for there sake its not full of quad accounters just looking to start again...i am guilty of this..i do have 4 subs going at the moment..2 regen and 2 returning stars..although i can be buggered if i can tell the diference..theres not one name i recognised in my starting 50 in the RS worlds..some people got kieron dyer and andy johnson! whats all that about! i thought they were suposed to be all even these pools..oh my mistake! there both inj in here as well!! shame

More from the Daggers in the next few days when i can think of something else to rant about!!

Daggers UTD arrive in Vallderrama!

The Daggers have made the jump from Blissett to there new home of Valderama..and where not playing golf!

Although we have left our coaching team behind us,im sure Swiss Toni and Louis Balfour will soon be making a guest appearence in the blog over the next few weeks.

It looks like the new breed are making a good start to there new careers.

With our Legendary Blog coming with us, hopefully this will be the new home of Daggers Utd!! *shakes rattle and waves scarf*

So pull up a comfy sofa, grab a beer from the fridge or stick the kettle …and get on board!

its gonna be one hell of a ride!

Kev.