Thursday 18 November 2010

You can talk tactics in here pal..sling ur hook!

Its been months since i posted a blog posting...but the time has come to vent some rants! and its all good in FML world...or is it..

In GW voller this evening (1 of my only 3 gw`s..well nearly) a fellow user was asked to move along from the tactics room for talking about tactics!! lovely..were playing family fortunes you see and im afraid..X eh oh (or whatever the noise is) you cant talk tactics in the tactics room...so run along nothing to see here..go talk in the lobby with the lobbyists..

The Lobbyists...a bunch of highly comical sometimes bordering on damm right offensive..but dare i say comical again!....walking a tightrope accross a cavern of muting and yellow cards...nah! cos we are always just on the right side of the line..i try to be funny most of the time....random facebook pictures of fellow users girlfriend has been high on the amusement list in valderamma this week..."well i say..dont bloody add me to facebook if you dont want the abuse" its not hard..Random lobby joke of the week..from fellow essex boy..chris sawya! "I failed my politics exam question, which was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world". Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer."

This evening i noticed when signing into voller or sancheez..i cant remember which one...there was a message about gameworldplus`s new podcast! i grabbed the old iphone 4..downloaded the explicit content..and with much excitement started to play it...i gotta be honest...you miserable gits!! its like 3 blokes in an empty pub all holding knives to there wrists!! liven it up lads!! a bit of humour is needed!! wahey!

The forums are boring me at the moment...FML is dying blah blah...MARC DUFFY IS A CONE blah blah...the m.e is shit blah blah...well lets pep it up a bit and add some amusing screenshots...cant wait for the youtube addition...theres going to be more videos with classic cockups than a video stream from youporn.com!!

Restart restarts...Ive restarted in all 3 of my gameworlds...and one word..just one..PACE...its easy..filter the available players..and just pick any with half decent stats and PURE pace...in one of my teams..the slowest player has 18 pace...its highly amusing watching them leg it past 14-18 rep teams..

Poundland...role up role up...24 rolls of kitchen towell for £1 or if you want..u can have 16 players for £16..thats just £1 each!! amazing bargains!!

So i thought what i would do...in valderamma is..all the Teams in the DFA would get there own season preview!! your nuts..no i clearly have too much time on my hands..i completed the task in 3 hours...and it was generally recieved well...if your gonna pay a fiver of your kids inheritance on a game..you may as well get involved..its only a game alan!!

Kev.

Tuesday 18 May 2010

The Final Whistle...The Return of the Toni Report!



The Final Whistle

Is back “phoenix from the flames of blissett” for a special editon!
Also returning Is the Toni Report!!! Our legendary shoot from the commentary box coach of the daggers brand and “getitupemutd”


First we check out on the Daggers FML Football Franchise…

Daggers UTD-GW Valderamma: The Youth Project: Regens and Academy built..no grads yet!! Ho ho!



Having just disposed of all but 2 senior players from the original pool of wannabee regens Daggers Utd are now focused on youth..Currently around 50th in the youth rankings..but probably should be a bit higher up..but until they sort out different youth categories for 16,17,18,19 and 21 this is where we will expect to see the Daggers Kids.

Dagenham and Romford UTD: GW Turkyilmaz: The 27-30 club!

All players are aged between 27-30 and all from the original pool except 1 player purchased.

Current Ranking 603rd, no youth team- The Paul Walker Cone Academy was built on 28th April current grads zero..the special bus hasn’t delivered any yet.

Dagenham and Romford AFC:GW Voller: the 21-30 club + mexio youth academy..total grads 3

Currently 776th in the world rankings…the long ball game being played here..5th in the 2nd run of EFA comps..and a healthy projected finance..current transfer fund 1m…this is for a rainy day or for when all the rest of the clubs go bust cos the owe the florist too much money for flowers!

Daggers Glory UTD: Gw Butragueno: The im not sure why ive got this account team!
Currently ranked 554th in the rankings and 9th in the reception football league standings..Youth academy in Holland..have received 2 grads and neither of them are going to be playing in “shexy football”

GET IT UP EM UTD! GW Lemerre: Simply a drunk subs..got home from a few lucky ones with the lads and thought it would be funny to get a 5th account! The mrs loves its..Sega 4.99 on the old daily text fro the bank! I`ll have to cancel a couple soon..once the old free subs run out on 3 of them from various prizes we won during the Christmas prize bonanza thing before reset!

The Toni Report

So FML is reset and we are all still bloody moaning..ive seen it all this last few weeks…sour grapes..moaning about AI winning the league, people telling us there quitting on the forums..and I bet they don’t…you cant put this down kids!! `Rage quitting` was quite a fasion for a few weeks…oh ive changed my mind…please can I have some money to get some more players..cos I think I learned from my mistakes..oh yeh sure..have some cash buddy…knock yerself out..you get some more attention..coochy coochy coo!

How about the big RT biting the dust…well im not to sorry to see he go..i was often in the headmasters office getting told off with smilies and party hats…the new regime has already flexed its muscle and caused chaos in the market place chat..its great..we can discuss why managers..are trying to flog 85k mv players for 1.7m!! KABOoOOOM! All we need is a few of the photo shop kids to do some nifty work with a rubber and an air brush and advertise him as a potential king of zamunda to the African nation of kiwake mular! And we have ourselves the next Didier drogba! Bingo!! Oh actually he`s not he`s a 3 star potential player that would probably only make it at some Sunday league team in the blue square league south league 2 reserve league!

The match engine is the main topic of discussion on the forums and the main reason for people quitting… …”if you cant beat em join em” its simple..stop moaning play narrow and stick 3 big lads up front!! I cant believe you haven’t thought of this “Double face palm!”

Is it me or do the games take longer to play now..i keep having to check with the bench to see if the lads are set to fast speed…I can now make a whole flask of coffee last a whole game!! It saves going back to the burger van ever ten minutes..speaking of burger vans..when can we get these from the Rep points store…Larry the Lion is the only amusing thing worth purchasing of late…having the black leopard mascot scares the kids..so that’s no good..give us a burger van to put on the pitch or a picture of an old rusty tractor!!
Back to the Car lot for toni this week…time for him to boof up the quiff and sell some cut and shutters to the poles!

“managing a football team is like making love to the wife
or failing that a beautiful women”

And finnally...

says: (20:59:26)<:colour#0>
<:colour#4281545523>larsson lolby please <:default#>

says: (21:05:57)<:colour#0>
<:colour#4281545523>we have 48 in the Keane Chat <:emoticon#67><:default#>

come on now..cant you boys all play in the same chat rooms..do u really have to stay on your own sects...its like the "Gracious church of our lord the saviour of FML" new age churches popping up everywhere...its a community thing i guess.. oh not its not..its a lets have our own private chat room because of the takeover the lobby kids in the main world..get it up em utd!!

After the first publish of the lastest final whistle..we had complaints from our avvid reader MR Matthew Thomas of farmer land in colchester...after trawling the acrhives of google images..i found a random matt thomas picture..i believe this is him...


If you see him talking rubbish in the EFA chat room in valderamma..dont worry its because he`s been smoking manure flavoured roll ups..give em up son!

Tuesday 4 May 2010

The top 24 do`s and donts!




Things to do and not to do when playing FML.

1. You must insert and amusing “middle” name into your screen name

2. You must never interact within anyone under the age of 18 as they seem to be better than you at everything, they know the answers to everything, they are quicker witted than you and all appear to want to go into politics’. God help us

3. Do not ever get chatting to anyone from a “mafia” based cult from Scotland.Do not interact with anyone who delivers milk and lives next to a graveyard...yes these people play fml

4. Learn how to sell utter rubbish for a profit...this will help your ebay career.

5. DO not ever get involved with discussions in the lobby full stop.

6. Never insert amusing adverts trying to sell mahogany sideboards in the market place..this isn’t Ebay.

7. Never Link any external sites in the lobby..even if its only for a cooling fan for a PC..this will get you a talking to by a support moderator.

8. Never offer to do Reports on your FA without first seeing a counsellor as the FML mail setup is worse than trying to send an EMAIL via AOL webmail.

9. Try and get the most irritating colour for your name so everyone puts you on ignore.

10. Try and help as much as you can in help even if there is 14 chat helpers online at once..you then get told “thanks but no thanks” when applying for a job

11. Learn the “foth” language..this includes “FU”, “FO” “Waxer” , “Cone” and “Kent”
12. Learn how to spam the EFA room with the devil emoticon

13. Remember your in a new world now and try not to discuss too much your previous worlds..even if you have been in more than you can actually remember

14. To remain unnoticed by anyone do not bid crazy money for youth players..as this will spark a 300 page discussion in your in box.

15. Never Argue with officially appointed people in the game..as they know best..honest.

16. The basics..no swearing, no racist jibes,talking about the church, or posting tasteless but highly amusing jokes that someone just text you on your iphone

17. Get as many Subscriptions as possible so it looks like you have too much time on your hands....and this way everyone get confused as to which gameworld you are in and then cancel them all at once and see people loose there jobs.

18. Get banned from ALL FML gameworlds then appear in a gw after the reset just incase SI run out of money.

19. Have the TV on whilst playing FML even tho your not actually watching it..thats what they invented I player and newsgroup download for. Turn it off, think of the Emissions!! vote green!

20. If you badly need a to go for a piss..go for a piss..”just one more game”, turns into an hour later and you have probably burst your bladder

21. Create an amusing blog to vent your frustrations on…but whatever you do don’t make it into a documentary

22. DO not sit up till midnight waiting for rankings to update..as they do every hour now!!

23. When signing into your chosen gw..please remember which world you in so you don’t make yourself look a right tit in help.

24. And Finnaly..do not whatever you do..feed a FML manager after midnight..and Deffinately do not let him see sunlight!! Oh and if you have a wife or family…make sure you have a picture of them on your desk so you don’t mistake them for being the cleaning company.

25. AND dont be embarrassed of your surname...just putting "Brad" or "Dave" or some other silly thing like "Don" or even the most annoying "SIR" in place of your full name is not good for your self esteem...man up!

Thursday 29 April 2010

Duffy in slur at Daggers Manager...


To the bat cave! oh no its the SI forums..

So...Richy T has been shuffled from power...theres a dedicated thread put up in memory of the "Great man" and i made a few comments...and eventually Duffy tells me to shut up...WELL `duffy` dont put these kind of posts in a public forum...i know anyone reading this (rik) will say STFU Kev..but nigh on short of putting flowers around the forum like they do when somone dies in a car crash...its just ludicrous..IF Rt was that well liked and well thought of at SI or Sega surely they would have found a job for him?

These things happen..i got out of supermarket management some months ago now because they were removing a tier of management..even tho i would have been safe for a while..things change quickly...as it does in any buisness..

I get all the "he done loads for me", "he helped me in my life", im sure he did..but the long and the short of it is...you were a moderator in a FOOTBALL MANAGEMENT SIMULATOR and he was all of a sudden your best mate..well great..im sure he pays your mortgage for you as well

People move on loose there jobs, homes every day..im sure he saw this coming and made plans for the future...did he do a good job...probably...i dont know..i had many an email from him regarding concerns with the game..his over-use of the emoticons was amusing and his script supplies were legendary...but was he really the "best fwend you can ever have" get a grip..

so ends the RT rant..and as DUFFY said to me in the nicest possible way STFU!

peace.

Saturday 24 April 2010

Wednesday 21 April 2010

Its all about the Quick play!

Every time i sign into one of my 4 accounts..all i read is a bout Quick play this quick play that...last call...last reminder...starting at 8 blah blah!! What is going on?? Is that all people want now quick plays?? im a bit tired of it in all honesty...and lets be honest..there not really quick...they sometimes spread into the next day where people sign out after they start.

FML has gone down hill a bit lately and im just getting a bit tired of it...the continual lag is a nightmare..every night in my main account in valderdrama.

The biggest thing that is currently annoying me..is the continual mail messages when someone wins something with...oooh well done..up the st johns or up the greaves...get a grip people..those days have gone..your in new worlds now..forget all that and move on...its highly annoying...

what we need is some MR T type action...

"whats this home boy..you missing your old world? you want to play with your old buddies in the old world..chatting in the new world chat rooms with all your freinds...mix with the new boys in the new chat room...your old gameworld is gone
its finished..its been deleted...GET SOME NUTS"

Tommorow night...Daggers Manager to record an interview with the GW1 lads accross the pond...im not sure what to expect with in terms of questions...this all came about after i had a little dig on the facebook post around only speaking to fanboys and mods...then i thought..am i a fan boy?? nope...and im deffinatly not a mod..and never will be one..my rap sheet is bigger than the servers can handle!! ive only every had 1 yellow card amazingly in all my FML career...hopefully i`ll be good enough to go onto there broadcastable pod cast...i`ll try my best to give the views of the wider community and not the fan boy base!!

Tuesday 30 March 2010

Lag or a Blag!

ITs not often i find myself blogging something serious and thought provoking...but theres a first time for everything!!

right lets do some maths...10 gw`s with 1000 users in each..thats 10,000 subscribers or paying customers as the great british supermakets would say...so 10,000*4.99 is 50,000 give or take a few ££ as there are subbers who still have freebies offerings from previous gw`s...

So to the point...50k per month turnover for FML roughly...not alot really is it..when u pay out wages and power and server stuff etc..

so why has the lag been so appauling in all worlds since launch...i found myself defending Sega/SI over the last few days but actually if you look its just poor management. From what ive heard its about personal data being retrieved from the old gw`s which while the old gw`s are still running are taking up valuble server space for the new compacted gw`s

Lets look at this futher..when the restart happened i think most peeked at around 350-390 online at once...as to be expected to try out the shiny new gameworlds..this has now dropped from what ive seen to around 180-220 in most worlds..im only judging this on what ive seen in the worlds im in.

but why hasnt the data retrieval been done over the last few months? why has beta not shown up all the bugs that have now been shown up since restart..the academy fiasco..well maybe because beta is poorly managed..the bug posting process is terrible..posting on a forum in the hope your post might be seen by a developer..just needs to be sharper so this kind of thing doesnt happen...im sure FM10 is played and played and played by paid beta testers to ensure retail is as good as possible..even then you find patches are released hours after retail release..but its an evolving game..even games like command and conquer 4 have already had patches applied to them...

the biggest problem SI have with FML is always going to be the funding..its such a NICH market mmo..and especially football management games..its the biggest game on the planet with millions being spend worldwide...will this ever happen to an MMO game like FML? well probably not as to SEGA its not the next sonic the hedgehog..its a football sim to a very small in comparison market...will we see versions on the iphone or console? i doubt it...theres so much more to get right before they even look at this...get the basics like lag and gameplay with finances and academies before the nice stuff...im sure most would settle for that.

will we be playing FML in 12 months time? im not sure i can answer that..you hear FM 2.0 will have the 3d Engine from FM09/10 in...but surely the current servers cant handle the current game let alone overloading it with more graphical content...

whats the answer? who knows...but i do feel theres too many people slapping people on the backm in beta...the in word is the `fanboys` the people who say yes to everythying..im not sure even tho they say the do..actually lads..that ideas a piling steaming pile of portsmouth finances..just dire..

you have to have objective views in an evolving game like this..maybe its the way its put accross...

on the whole the game is better and will last longer..but get the basic right first before anything!

Friday 26 March 2010

Its all about Alan!

The phrase of the moment..

`Thats Lovely Alan`

everyone knows a dave right...but i can bet your life you know an Alan as well...but the whole gag is based around confusion..

try it..if someone texts you..reply with `Thats lovely Alan` the recipitent will look at there phone in some confusion..yes yes..i know its dumb! but life is dumb!:-)

Back to footballing matters...The Daggers have had a patchy start to pre-season even with the early first games promise...so it was time to turn to the youth! yet again the big youth wage battle is on..and having missed out on a few during the early bouts of crazy wage paying i managed to snap a couple of kids up from the regens! who needs an academy and waiting 7-14 days for some right dodgy tatt to come out of it..you`d have a better chance of getting some promising kids from the local teen disco!

Amsuingly i did manage to force someone to pay 7k wages after a late minute 6999k wage bit! For what is no more than a shot in the dark and `his stats look good to me` sure 7k will be alright, after all i did get a right load of old hackney marsh rejects in my original dirty 50!

What you really need is David Gold and Sullivan to give you a team talk...that`l do the trick..i see Franco Zola has banned them from the dressing room...hmmm...i know you own the place lads...but id rather you didnt talk to the lads at the moment..there a bit sensitive and furnishing them with copies of the Sunday sport will just un-settle them.

I think i`ll get them into my dressing room with some topless lovelies! boost the old morale a bit..thats what we need in the RP store..some good old adult smutt!! you give us the finger and a pile of poo..how bout some tits! theres plenty of tits in the world! may as well have a emoticon to go with them!

The Drunken late night purchase...had a few too many blue cans or green ones with world cup tokens on them? made some terrible purchases...shame!! have you not learnt yet...we`ve been beta testing this for 2 years now and we still purchase tatt!! its like a drunken ebay bid!

Have SI not learnt yet...they have opened a new LIVE world..Franscescoli!! i really hope for there sake its not full of quad accounters just looking to start again...i am guilty of this..i do have 4 subs going at the moment..2 regen and 2 returning stars..although i can be buggered if i can tell the diference..theres not one name i recognised in my starting 50 in the RS worlds..some people got kieron dyer and andy johnson! whats all that about! i thought they were suposed to be all even these pools..oh my mistake! there both inj in here as well!! shame

More from the Daggers in the next few days when i can think of something else to rant about!!

Thursday 25 March 2010

Daggers UTD arrive in Vallderrama!

The Daggers have made the jump from Blissett to there new home of Valderama..and where not playing golf!

Although we have left our coaching team behind us,im sure Swiss Toni and Louis Balfour will soon be making a guest appearence in the blog over the next few weeks.

It looks like the new breed are making a good start to there new careers.

With our Legendary Blog coming with us, hopefully this will be the new home of Daggers Utd!! *shakes rattle and waves scarf*

So pull up a comfy sofa, grab a beer from the fridge or stick the kettle …and get on board!

its gonna be one hell of a ride!

Kev.

Thursday 18 March 2010

The Crowd are on the Pitch....

14 months have gone and Blissett as it is now will soon be blowing the final whistle..

14 Seasons ago / A crack set of Football Teams where sent to a bad FML GAMEWORLD by a Football Management Tribunal court for a foul they didn't commit and a goal that was clearly in!

These Teams promptly escaped from Duffy & Collyer maximum security Compounded GAMWORLD to join Blissett. Today, still wanted by Richie `the General` Tebutt and the support team mods from SI headquarters, they survive as Football managers of fortune.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can join .. BLISSETT!!

its been a hell of a journey...bit like going round on the tube and getting stuck on the northern line for 3 hours..

How did the Daggers fair over the last 14 months....i would say `Iain Dowie` winning 22 official FA titles (most of them youth, ill say that before bradley starts meh meh at me!), but in reality the daggers would have ended up in the championship..just like Hull will be with Dowie at the helm.

But its been a blast...from the Early bad boy days of Swiss Toni..to the Current Daggers Argies!! its kept me sane from the real world..6 months not working and it kept me going!!

The weekly blog with snippets from the real world of football kept us entertained.

The Banter will always be the best thing about a game like this...the discussions the arguements..the bar room brawls...the car crashes the cone factor..the molloy factor..the bradleee factor...the Ross Factor...and durn durn durn..the Jason Factor!! i quote "The FA:user#632> says: (23:20):08 nobody seems to ever want to give help on tactics in here" please note the time...its 23:20..yes PM and do you know why jason!! cos were all going to bed cos were a bit knackered!! we`ll leave you with Cleon and Bradley...the night boys!!

A Fair few have come and gone in the last 14 months...but the hardcore have kept at it from the start...The Cream of blissett...the sunbed hoggers...theres a few to mention...Ally, Tom , Stephen (even tho he did bugger off for a bit) Matty Mollloy, Arne, Bart, The Good Life..(leanne) apparently, lase, Jeff, the list goes on...then theres the mods...a fair few have been to blissett to learn the ropes....i had nothing to do with any of them leaving honest....Glenno!! the legend went awol..then they gave Bradleee the powers of the force!! even Diccon got his little shield!! The organisers...Eric `mcd`s wifi` Western, Gary `up your pineapple fritter` your knicked son Harrison! Ben `SON` Hibbert, legends in there own right..the list goes on and on!!

Its difficult to remember them all, its the community that makes this game..the Trialist world cups, the google powered quizzes, the youth FA with more competitions than u can ever think of, the who can get muted first game, XFACTOR WEEK, There was even a song written about some welsh bloke...good times have been had by all...

a few highlights from previous blogs...

The Diccon Brown Column..Training Guru!

"Being as it holiday time, this week's seen my players on a world tour.

First stop was Spain where players were left in the centre of Madrid wearing signed Ronaldo shirts. Those that were left have proven agility and will never be phased by anything again

Next was Africa for speed training with cheetahs
USA included entry into the Ultimate Fighting Championship where da Costa my red and yellow card expert excelled. He has since dyed his hair red and yellow to celebrate.
France saw players perfecting their Gallic shrug to help in protesting their innocence.

After Skeleton Bobsled in Austria none of my players are worried by diving headers anymore.
And after a final stop in Amsterdam now has my wingers flying."


The Toni Report


Have you been hurt in an accident that wasn’t your fault? Would you like to keep 100% of the compensation! GOD im glad im back at work...i couldn’t suffer anymore daytime TV..its getting more like America every day! Although i have missed watching home and away for the fit lovely`s and countdown and deal or no deal...but hey thats what the V+ is for!! You have to be kidding me...your not gonna record that tat are you...erm no! So with not as much time to while away the hours playing FML, it’s good to be back in the working class. Its good for the soul...if you have to play a computer game this much you have problems..serious problems...get help! Its also come to my attention that am calling everyone SON at the moment at work...im going to take Ben Hibbert to court for corrupting me!! And im sure i`ll be able to keep 100% of the compensation! Its what that advert said!! Blissett the gameworld the legends...is having an average of 35-40 managers at any one time good? Not really...is it good that all official FA games are delayed for a week?? Hell no! Is it good for Official SI appointed people to be condescending to customers? Hell yeah! Of course it is! Its in the Official appointed book for all officially appointed people surely! Theres some good and some bad but theres not much point in moaning...CAN WE HELP? HELL no! Cos your not an officially appointed person and anyway we don’t like the way you talk...you`ve had enough chances i tell ya! Maybe im a bit too jazzy for you? Or maybe i actually enjoy the game and don’t want to be mugged off but power crazy people with extra buttons to press! Being an officially appointed person in an online MMO might float some peoples boat..but for me channel 424 on Virgin Media is better than that! Toni.

A few Classic Lobby Quotes:

Sam Worger says: (16:34:48) I can tell if there going to be a superstar when there in the womb!

Ross Allan says: (16:39:51)
A moderator said to me what part of don’t swear don’t you understand I said well would you believe me if I suffered from dyslexia

Jim _: says: (16:35:41) Ah man my cat just put her foot in my coffee

Andrew Hunter says: (19:03:36)
It’s me who needs money, that tom guy keeps tempting me with nice youths

Brad: says: (12:43:08)What exactly is the problem, I was eating pie so was afk..

Jim Hamilton says: (22:59:09)
'life getting you down? try new JML Swine Flu!'.

Richard 'XFA Org' Gibson says: (21:02:01)

Leather jackets from Burton with built in hoodies, gives you that Justin Timberlake look

Andreas 'Kenny Dalglish' Timmelstad: (19:32:24) I Like them HEAVY

theres more than i can type in here...just funny times!! its the bit we all forget about...after all its just a football manager game!!

so where to next...not sure really...will we be here in another 14 months time..possibly...or will we all be playing settlers 7, Command and Conquer 4 or the new CIV game at the end of the year...of course we`ll still be here..you just cant put it down..not matter how much it annoys the hell out of you..football manager is in the blood...well not really...its just part of the routine now...will you be checking back every hour to see where your ranked..will you be sitting up at midnight to get the regens in...will you be bantering in the lobby...who knows...but for now we`ll put the final few nails in the coffin of the Great Blissett gw and float her down the River Nile....we`ll end on a song..to the Mod Legend of Blissett..the one and only....Deano Philpin..a legend in his own Toy shop...

If i havent given you a mention its because im wiping away the tears...its been emotional lads and michy!! have a good final week in blissett...and dont forget to save yourself a sunbed in the new worlds before the germans get there first!:-)

Kev.

Wednesday 20 January 2010

Probably one of the funniest Forums posts..

And I'm sitting at my chair thinking "Well done lads, thats what I pay you for"...
But little did I know...

I am pretty convinced that the following conversation took place in my opponents bench-


-Assistant Coach:: Hey Coach, the medics are taking our Striker away, we need to make a sub
-Coach takes a look at his bench, sees only one guy sitting- :: Get him in
-Assistant Coach:: But but.. he's a Centre-Back?!?
-Coach sits back down on the bench and lights up a cigare-:: Bah, kids these days, they have no faith... WE'RE THE AI GDAMN IT, WE CANT LOSE!!!


Needless to say, 93 odd minutes later, my 4* squad lost 2-0 to a 3* squad filled with a bunch of 34yos , with a DC as a solo striker serving one goal, and scoring the second.His entire teams AQ fees added up where less than two of my U20s MV added up.


And while I sit there, watching the match stats, trying to think it rationaly, find out what kind of mistakes I did, try to understand why my 18acc,16pace-multiplestatsabove18mentals-18teqn-20dribble-3milion worth Wingers just got -TOTALLY- erased by some unknown 33yold 10acc-highermental13 fullbacks (who btw my niece would outrun if I dared telling her that we hid icecream by the corner flag) and how my DCs got outplayed by another DC, then something hit me.. and I saw a white light, and was promptly abducted by allies and ... well not exactly.

The clusterfck ragefit came, and it was the bookcase that paid the price, because hey, bookcases are much cheaper than 50inc plasmas or laptops.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE IN ALL HONESTY?!?

In between 3 seasons now, and with the 1.3 arrival, we have gone:


1) From semi decent playing goalkeepers, to goalkeepers playing like a candidate for the Special Olympics to Cyborg goalkeepers who enter the field carrying a wheelcart full of bricks and tar 5 minutes prior the game, and build a MOFOOKIN wall between the posts, then sit down and have tea

2) From DCs scoring 1 per two from corners, to DCs missing headers from 5 foot 8 jumping/10 heading forwards

3) From winning more than 65% of your games vs weaker teams, to getting a draw and consider it a 'good' result.

4) From the age of 'You have 18acc/18pace/12 finishing , dont worry 1 per 2 scoring is guaranteed' to the 'What? 20 first touch/20 finishing/20 off the ball/20 composure 1.9mil AQ Fee striker? We DONT CARE! Go miss 5 ccc's vs randomjoe WC goalkeeper.

5) From the age of 20% of the conceeded goals coming from tactical mistakes / player mistakes / own goals to 55% , yes for my team which is AEONS better than when I started, of the goals conceeded being mistakes ( missed header, missed interception , missed the bus, you name it) from defenders or goalkeepers (I even had mistake led to goal on my lone forward who plays so attacking that he rarely if ever gets back into our own pitch side)

6) From the age where you signed a DC with 130-150k AQ Fee and decisions/determination/positioning/influence/teamwork around 17 , and marking/tackling around 16 and you felt you are watching Beckenbauer reborn, to DCs with 20's in pretty much all important attributes puting the ball in your own net with the composure and attitude of the biggest HHN forward ( I have clips where the ball is 6 yards away from my posts, the closest opposing player is 15 yards away , and my DC just slides down and tackles the ball into my net )

7) From the age of actually sweating and spending your valuable skill points to unlock tactical skills which are by FAR the most important ones along with your players abilities to win a match, to the age of people clicking -Create tactics, -Find FOTM tact, click accept, and AFK to victories unheard off (Got examples of people who dont even select their initial squads, they let the AI handdle that as well so to speak)

8) From the age of clicking lineups and realising you're up against 460 and rushing into tactical changes to switch your team strat to perform against that formation to the age of conceeding from a 460 TWICE in the same match from 30 yard screamers coming from 12 long shot attribute players ( Holy hell, I mean alright, its predetermined that the match will be a 2-2 draw, but anyone with half a brain knows by now that 460 is all about controling the ball and luring your defenders outside to get through balls in or play one twos between amcs with high dribbling/flair options not shooting on freaking sight)

9) From the age of facing a very challenging opponent and try to outsmart them in the field to the age of watching the team captains pick coin sides in the middle, flip the coin, and who ever wins, get the 3 points for the day.

10) From the age of players actually being smart with getting cards to the age of players with mentals good enough for nuclear physics tackling twofooted a lone mc somewhere in the midfield after a cross ( WTF tackling a player with the ball in the air, what are they thinking?!) and getting insta red cards

11) From the age of red cards being actually a HEAVY drawback to the age where the team who goes man down at 15th-20th minute will 99% win the game ( The other 1% will be a draw )

12) From the age where you conceeded from a free kick and click on the scoring player and see Free Kicks 19+ and think 'well it figures' to the age of conceeding from a free kick and click on scoring player and see Free Kicks 12 and think 'well it figures'

13) From the age where a 17acc/17pace/18finishing WONDERKID striker would score .8 per game to the age where the same player scores .4 per game even when I specifically build a squad with players just to feed him with chances.

14) From the age of good fullbacks being actually in the database to the age of no-chance-in-hell-to-find-a-semi-decent-fullback-so-pick-someone-with-16acc/14jump/16tackling-and-pray.


Above mentioned examples may seem harsh or even unreal but more or less they have truth inside them.And yea I'm ****ed.And I'm trying to not care about it, but you know what.I want to care, because I like the 'competitiveness' of this game. Thats the only reason to even play it in the first place.Who cares about skins, or about pretty windows or even a 3D engine? I dont. I just want to play vs a human controlled teams and be spurred to get better day by day, learning from mistakes, shafling the cards and try to win as many games as possible.I'm sick and tired of trying to find excuses of why I lost XXX game, why the silly match stats say 25shots/15ontarget/5longshots/6 ccc vs 8 shots/3ontarget/5long shots/0ccc and lose 0-2, sick and tired when the opposition gets a red card in a midfielder before half time and finishes the game with 59% possetion, sick and tired of having 10% of my wins being wins where I got lucky in the field and 35% of my losses being losses where I TOTALLY dominated someone but , oh well you must lose.

Someone needs to come forward and explain things to the core:

-Are the games predetermined-fixxed? Because they sure do feel like that a lot of times.
-Do the hidden stats play a far bigger role than they are supposed to?
-Why does the game currently feel more luck-based than actually tactical based? (Yes I do have a big beef about tactics in game and the way teams perform, I played a two leg match recently, outcome in my home grounds was 3-0 where actually the opposing team ended with 0 shots , yes ZERO shots, then we play in his stadium, first half ends he has ZERO shots again, by 65th minute I'm ahead 2-0, he has 4 shots but none on target, by 73th minute and him having made all 3 subs, he gets his MC injured, but the STUPID DOT NEVER LEAVES THE FIELD , IT JUST STANDS THERE, AND I CANT SELECT THE PLAYER IN THE TACTICS LINEUP TO TELL MY MIDFIELDERS TO STOP TIGHT MARKING HIM BECAUSE DA DA DADADADA HE'S FREAKING DEAD, then all miraciously his team makes 3 shots and scores on all of them and I lose 3-2 because my stupid players kept staying on the injured guy. Btw both mine and his team are 4* rep clubs)

I just noticed this post has gotten freaking long, I wouldnt even read it myself personally, but bleh, I had to say these things. Got a lot more to add as well, but my hand is sore from punching the bookcase, and I need some coffee badly, so cheers, and pray to freakin Lucifer that 1.4 will bring a match engine that will actually -allow- us to do exactly what we are supposed to: Be actual managers.