The Final Whistle...The Return of the Toni Report!

The Final Whistle

Is back “phoenix from the flames of blissett” for a special editon!
Also returning Is the Toni Report!!! Our legendary shoot from the commentary box coach of the daggers brand and “getitupemutd”

First we check out on the Daggers FML Football Franchise…

Daggers UTD-GW Valderamma: The Youth Project: Regens and Academy built..no grads yet!! Ho ho!



Having just disposed of all but 2 senior players from the original pool of wannabee regens Daggers Utd are now focused on youth..Currently around 50th in the youth rankings..but probably should be a bit higher up..but until they sort out different youth categories for 16,17,18,19 and 21 this is where we will expect to see the Daggers Kids.

Dagenham and Romford UTD: GW Turkyilmaz: The 27-30 club!

All players are aged between 27-30 and all from the original pool except 1 player purchased.

Current Ranking 603rd, no youth team- The Paul Walker Cone Academy was built on 28th April current grads zero..the special bus hasn’t delivered any yet.

Dagenham and Romford AFC:GW Voller: the 21-30 club + mexio youth academy..total grads 3

Currently 776th in the world rankings…the long ball game being played here..5th in the 2nd run of EFA comps..and a healthy projected finance..current transfer fund 1m…this is for a rainy day or for when all the rest of the clubs go bust cos the owe the florist too much money for flowers!

Daggers Glory UTD: Gw Butragueno: The im not sure why ive got this account team!
Currently ranked 554th in the rankings and 9th in the reception football league standings..Youth academy in Holland..have received 2 grads and neither of them are going to be playing in “shexy football”

GET IT UP EM UTD! GW Lemerre: Simply a drunk subs..got home from a few lucky ones with the lads and thought it would be funny to get a 5th account! The mrs loves its..Sega 4.99 on the old daily text fro the bank! I`ll have to cancel a couple soon..once the old free subs run out on 3 of them from various prizes we won during the Christmas prize bonanza thing before reset!

The Toni Report

So FML is reset and we are all still bloody moaning..ive seen it all this last few weeks…sour grapes..moaning about AI winning the league, people telling us there quitting on the forums..and I bet they don’t…you cant put this down kids!! `Rage quitting` was quite a fasion for a few weeks…oh ive changed my mind…please can I have some money to get some more players..cos I think I learned from my mistakes..oh yeh sure..have some cash buddy…knock yerself out..you get some more attention..coochy coochy coo!

How about the big RT biting the dust…well im not to sorry to see he go..i was often in the headmasters office getting told off with smilies and party hats…the new regime has already flexed its muscle and caused chaos in the market place chat..its great..we can discuss why managers..are trying to flog 85k mv players for 1.7m!! KABOoOOOM! All we need is a few of the photo shop kids to do some nifty work with a rubber and an air brush and advertise him as a potential king of zamunda to the African nation of kiwake mular! And we have ourselves the next Didier drogba! Bingo!! Oh actually he`s not he`s a 3 star potential player that would probably only make it at some Sunday league team in the blue square league south league 2 reserve league!

The match engine is the main topic of discussion on the forums and the main reason for people quitting… …”if you cant beat em join em” its simple..stop moaning play narrow and stick 3 big lads up front!! I cant believe you haven’t thought of this “Double face palm!”

Is it me or do the games take longer to play now..i keep having to check with the bench to see if the lads are set to fast speed…I can now make a whole flask of coffee last a whole game!! It saves going back to the burger van ever ten minutes..speaking of burger vans..when can we get these from the Rep points store…Larry the Lion is the only amusing thing worth purchasing of late…having the black leopard mascot scares the kids..so that’s no good..give us a burger van to put on the pitch or a picture of an old rusty tractor!!
Back to the Car lot for toni this week…time for him to boof up the quiff and sell some cut and shutters to the poles!

“managing a football team is like making love to the wife
or failing that a beautiful women”

And finnally...

says: (20:59:26)<:colour#0>
<:colour#4281545523>larsson lolby please <:default#>

says: (21:05:57)<:colour#0>
<:colour#4281545523>we have 48 in the Keane Chat <:emoticon#67><:default#>

come on now..cant you boys all play in the same chat rooms..do u really have to stay on your own sects...its like the "Gracious church of our lord the saviour of FML" new age churches popping up everywhere...its a community thing i guess.. oh not its not..its a lets have our own private chat room because of the takeover the lobby kids in the main world..get it up em utd!!

After the first publish of the lastest final whistle..we had complaints from our avvid reader MR Matthew Thomas of farmer land in colchester...after trawling the acrhives of google images..i found a random matt thomas picture..i believe this is him...


If you see him talking rubbish in the EFA chat room in valderamma..dont worry its because he`s been smoking manure flavoured roll ups..give em up son!

The top 24 do`s and donts!

Things to do and not to do when playing FML.

1. You must insert and amusing “middle” name into your screen name

2. You must never interact within anyone under the age of 18 as they seem to be better than you at everything, they know the answers to everything, they are quicker witted than you and all appear to want to go into politics’. God help us

3. Do not ever get chatting to anyone from a “mafia” based cult from Scotland.Do not interact with anyone who delivers milk and lives next to a graveyard...yes these people play fml

4. Learn how to sell utter rubbish for a profit...this will help your ebay career.

5. DO not ever get involved with discussions in the lobby full stop.

6. Never insert amusing adverts trying to sell mahogany sideboards in the market place..this isn’t Ebay.

7. Never Link any external sites in the lobby..even if its only for a cooling fan for a PC..this will get you a talking to by a support moderator.

8. Never offer to do Reports on your FA without first seeing a counsellor as the FML mail setup is worse than trying to send an EMAIL via AOL webmail.

9. Try and get the most irritating colour for your name so everyone puts you on ignore.

10. Try and help as much as you can in help even if there is 14 chat helpers online at once..you then get told “thanks but no thanks” when applying for a job

11. Learn the “foth” language..this includes “FU”, “FO” “Waxer” , “Cone” and “Kent”
12. Learn how to spam the EFA room with the devil emoticon

13. Remember your in a new world now and try not to discuss too much your previous worlds..even if you have been in more than you can actually remember

14. To remain unnoticed by anyone do not bid crazy money for youth players..as this will spark a 300 page discussion in your in box.

15. Never Argue with officially appointed people in the game..as they know best..honest.

16. The basics..no swearing, no racist jibes,talking about the church, or posting tasteless but highly amusing jokes that someone just text you on your iphone

17. Get as many Subscriptions as possible so it looks like you have too much time on your hands....and this way everyone get confused as to which gameworld you are in and then cancel them all at once and see people loose there jobs.

18. Get banned from ALL FML gameworlds then appear in a gw after the reset just incase SI run out of money.

19. Have the TV on whilst playing FML even tho your not actually watching it..thats what they invented I player and newsgroup download for. Turn it off, think of the Emissions!! vote green!

20. If you badly need a to go for a piss..go for a piss..”just one more game”, turns into an hour later and you have probably burst your bladder

21. Create an amusing blog to vent your frustrations on…but whatever you do don’t make it into a documentary

22. DO not sit up till midnight waiting for rankings to update..as they do every hour now!!

23. When signing into your chosen gw..please remember which world you in so you don’t make yourself look a right tit in help.

24. And Finnaly..do not whatever you do..feed a FML manager after midnight..and Deffinately do not let him see sunlight!! Oh and if you have a wife or family…make sure you have a picture of them on your desk so you don’t mistake them for being the cleaning company.

25. AND dont be embarrassed of your surname...just putting "Brad" or "Dave" or some other silly thing like "Don" or even the most annoying "SIR" in place of your full name is not good for your self esteem...man up!