The Final Whistle 26-06-09

The Dagger Blog Of Blissett...

Sponsored this week by the job centre plus!

In this weeks smaller than usual Issue..i blame it on the boogie.

The Dagger Report-Kids progressing well? we ask Ted.

The Rags- Our usual top 5 and dig into the daily`s

The Diccon Brown Training tip...he`s not pissed you know!

The Toni Report-Satirical reporting from the world of FML.

Firstly this will be the last blog for a while, I will be returning to the working class of great britain next week and as of yet are unsure what kind of hours i will be workig. I hope youve enjoyed reading over the last few months..if you havent well i dont care, its been fun writing it and keeping the majority amused, i think ive done ok with that bit!


The Dagger Report.

So how are the kids doin TED? not bad..they`ve trained hard this week and are looking forward to a brand new campsite on tuesday, there perticulary excited about the new tactics whiteboard being installed...pass...SHOOT! its not difficult i tell them...but joking aside they have had a great season and there progression has been nothing short of superb. On a sad note our young mexican lad has been crippled for 5 days after a disgracefull tackle by some hooligin in an u17`s SEFA game..dirty buggers. IF he wanted the rolex off of him im sure hector would have given it to him. On a scouting point of view ive been scouring the world for new talent..kids for next seasons u17 team..im suprised there has been none come up on the radar..but maybe now that singing superstar bloke has karked it they may come out of hiding..we need some new blood in the campsite for next seasons adventures into the SEFA dungeons league! Thanks Ted, an incitefull comment as ever!

The Rags

Our top 5 this week if for that Scottish Tennis player..

Signs weight of expectation will get to Andy Murray

5.Takes courtside advice from a sock on his right hand called "DR Sockingdon"

4.Strops-Mid Match "Wheres the Queen? Lazy.I have to look at her mush every time i lick a stamp

3.No more Highland spring v Evian controversy. Why whats he been drinking..ah sweet sweet turps.

2.Runs out onto centre court,Arms out stretched, wearing a cape

1."change ends" sorry?- I thought you said underpants.

Other Tennis News..

Alex Bogdanovic insits he`s getting better every year. By the time his 73 he`ll have progressed to the status of utter dog shit!

Jelena Jankovic defended womens tennis this week. "Citing all the personalties that we have" she was then asked to name one other than serena williams and her head exploded.

Hull City fans are preparing chants for transfer target Michael Owen. To play along with the crowd. Owen will sit on the floor for 90 mins and cry into his hands for a full 90 minuetes.

Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce has been given all the transfer kitty from the santa cruz deal to man city. He not sure wether to buy a striker a midfielder or make a bid for the town of blackburn.

Patrick Vieria Could join PSG this week, but coach Antoine Kombouare says his wages could be a problem. As for the fact that he`s now absolute bobbins!

Stoke Manager Tony Pulis has told his players that they can expect big changes in the dressing room next season. Yes the showers will be made from a chrome aluminium composite.

And finally to rugby news where Gareth Hock, the Wigan Rugby league player has tested posotive for Cocaine.The club were stunned. An inquest is being held to discover how anyone living in Wigan can afford Cocaine!


The Diccon Brown Coaching Tips.

Back to basics If your youngens continually pass the ball across the goal tie them hands and feet to a roof above a crocodile pit… see how they then will do anything to get balls away from the mouth (of the goal).

If strikers can't score take them clubbing in east London… if they still can't score shoot them… it's for their own good really.

Midfielders who dwell on the ball put in the electric chair version of Mastermind… any time they get an answer wrong crank up the crank up the juice… see who starts to understand a simple pass often works wonders.

And if your keeper is having trouble with where he should be in relation to the goal half John Bobbit him… apparently if you're lacking in that area it's all about positioning.

The Toni Report

Afte blogging and reporting in Blissett for the last few months with a mixture of Real life comment from the real world and some very entertaining discussions and comic genius from the lobby. This will as already mentioned be the last blog for a while. Its been fun and has kept the old brain cells ticking over for the last 3 months whilst ive been away from work.

So what have we learnt from FML as SI/Sega launch a new pro-world and the mass rush from blissett didnt quite happen and Des Oconner has a new album out..what more can you want...we lost a few but nothing to worry about..Im sure with 1.2 arriving on Tuesday and some new marketing from those SEGA lads im sure we will see an influx of new blood to the gameworld..you never know we might even get some people come back to spend there £15m fortunes. Good lad i say! A few thankyou`s..big one to Diccon for the training reports, always amusing. All the managers who appeared in the blog and made some of the transcripts in the early editons amusing and to the mods for allowing me to post the blog within FML...im sure at times it was a little too JAZZY! but there you go..thats what its all about..a very Jazzy Football management SIM!

A parting ..this was probably one of my favourite rants from blogs past..the manager in question is now plying his trade in Whiteside..and if you get a min listen to the pod cast here...the dagger blog gets a mention at 57 mins if you get bored!

http://www.fm-britain.co.uk/2009/05/13/episode-20-vincent-eintracht/

Vincent 'Red Card' Lavezzi: (16:38:17)
And now the FML classified results starting in the Boreclays Premiership .
Stadium Investor 0 ..Team investor 2
Long term planner 0 ..Short term 1
Wreckless Wage FC 4 ..Conservative Utd..1
AI vs active player (courtesy of Diccon Brown)
Artificial City 2 . Sporting Newbie 1
Very funny stuff...a great rant..i wont broadcast the rest as the kids are watching!!

Thats it! Its been a blast!

Kev.

The Final Whistle 19-06-2009

THE FINAL WHISTLE- The final Say in a week of Football and FM Live.

The week’s Issue is sponsored by Setanta Sports.Show me the money!

In tonight’s action packed issue..

The Dagger Report- Ted Bovis and his youth camp.No tower blocks here!

Diccon Brown`s Training Tips- Tonight we go back to nature

The Rags- No top 5 tonight.Don’t do Korean gags.It’s not the done thing.

The Toni Report- From the Boardroom of the Daggers.Toni`s take on the week

The Final Thought...Just a Thought that’s all.

The Dagger Report

First we kick off with a report from Ted Bovis- Youth and First team coach of Daggers!

Its been a good week of development with these lads, the dressing rooms have been cleaned up, the mold has been removed from the shower tray and the tramp can now piss outside..simple as, there’s no room now for any slapdash changing rooms. This may have something to do with the demands of a certain young man from Mexico. The board went all out for this lad, bidding a meagre 50k wages for this lad...they finally landed the boy for 36k! But he`s gonna be great i tell you...he`s already a dab hand at the karaoke in the ballroom during the evening entertainment sessions. I’m a bit concerned though by the 60 inch plasma he had delivered from ARGO this week...its keeps the lads awake at night..Im also a bit concerned he may fall out of his bunk bed if he gets a bit carried away with the wii remote whilst playing fifa 09. But anyway how are the rest of the lads shaping up...very well..it’s been a good first season...bang in the goals and a few mishaps at the back..it’s all good learning for them...i just wish they’d be more careful when knocking 40 yard cross field passes across their 18 yard box..be careful lads!

Diccon`s training Tips:

Nature vs. Nurture

Well it's not in my nature to nurture so this week the lads are going back to nature.
Yellowstone Park style.

Defenders are training as foresters, practicing felling safely in the area, the mids are learning whittling to get their creativity going, the strikers are sent off hunting anyone without a brace when they get back gets shot and the keepers are off with the bears... well if they can cope with those one on ones...

The Rags

A look into the funnies from the daily rags in London...a few of the best ones from the real world of sport and football

North Korea qualified for World Cup 2010, where they will most likely exit at the group stages. OR, as the Korean press will report it: “KIM JONG Il Hat-trick inspires world cup glory”.

Sky player means you can watch the ashes on the computer at work. It’s great news for cricket lovers, who can follow the action. And better news for HR departments, as those pesky cutbacks are made a little easier “HOWIZEEEE”...well out of a job!
Amanda Holden was at ROYAL ASCOT on Tuesday, apparently she won. Its hard to tell as she tends to look startled most of the time

The IRAN football team showed support for Mir Hosseien Mousavi by wearing green armbands this week. England once showed comparable levels of unity when lampsy and wazza split a round of cristal.

Sheikh Hamden Bin Mohamed al Maktoum is under investigation for horse doping offences. Suspicions were aroused when the horse was found in its stable listening to early Genesis and laughing hysterically at the Queens hat.

Jenso Button says its his talent and not his car that is taking him to the formula 1 title. He has to be commended. Not for winning but for keeping a straight face when he said that.

And Finally, Chelseas Didier Drogba was this week banned from four Champions League games, meaning the only appalling acting and Tuesday and Wednesday evenings can be seen on Hollyoaks..for those that don’t know its a British Teen Soap thing!

The Toni Report

“Im currently the 3rd team in my gameworld and my stadium avg attendance was 45k. But my winger (one of my best player) get injured for 4 days so i stop to play official games.”

Ive lost 10k avg attendance during this period
“Wenger says to Fergie..sorry we cant play this week...fabregas isnt felling well and adebeyor has a nose bleed..can we make it the week after??”

“oh yeh sure...dont worry..i hope they feel better soon and to be honest tevez and rooney have the flu anyway.”
hang on you stopped playing Official games during the injury periods....WHY?? thats the game surely...alot of people do this..doesnt make sense to me..if this was FM08/09 you couldnt do it...this annoys alot of people..

"oh im not playing any games until all my players are fit and my team is in form"
rubbish...buy more players for your squad.

“It depends if you think that fml is a real simulator of football managing or not. I think its only fantasy football, thats why i want to play when my team is full fit and not when my team cant play with all my better players.”

This was the amusing conversation i had with some chap on the forums this week..ive just realised im doing it all wrong...so in that case if ANY of my players get injured or loose form thats it im not playing *stamps feet*

Rubbish its a football management sim where its more true to life than you think...clubs are snapping up young kids on crazy wages...WHY?? well every other mug does so i might as well...36k for a 16 year old..is that too much? Well not really..but is 200k a week for a diving over paid pre-maddonna who goes down well in the box but hacks a mean freekick..well dam right it is...thats just bonkers! And is anyone really worth £80m?? Hmmmmm....no but its like buying a house...if someone wants to give you 200k for your 3 bed semi in suburbia then you take it don’t you! Its the old its only ever gonna be worth what people are prepared to pay...so 80m seems reasonable to me...Fergie can pick up a few players for that and maybe pay for the lads to have a night out? Remember the last time you did that fergie!
To the second week of a new season and SEFA is going well for its maden season, England are out of the 20-20 cricket and England u21 have coasted into the semi`s where no doubt they`ll be sent packing after missing a few penalties.
FML this week...The usual 40 suspects trudging away from around 8pm and all the dual account maniacs will be doing battle in the Pro world on Tuesday...will Swiss Toni be making an appearance there? Maybe-maybe not...am i losing the will to live? Not yet!

Toni

The Final Thought

You know strange as it may seem..even football ultimately isnt that important in life..it’s meant to be entertainment..same as FML..if it’s not then time to take a break..Get laid more it helps a lot!

Have a good week
Kev.

The Final Whistle 12-06-2009

The Final Whistle. The Dagger Blog of Blissett GW..12-06.2009

Is This week Sponsored by the IPHONE 3GS!! Why don’t they launch it just after i get one!(oh they did)

In this Weeks Limited Kebab edition-
The Dagger Report- Winds of change at the CCS Arena
The Lobbyists- A welcome return to the banter from the lobby
The Rags- Our usual top shelf look at the Press..it’s all `Real` you know!
The Toni Report- From the Boardroom at the Daggers Stadium..Toni`s thoughts on the world

The Dagger Report- With Ted Bovis..Hi-De-HI!

Swiss Toni and Jesse`s Love affair with Pardo and CO finally came to an end last Sunday afternoon as winds of change swept through the CCS arena as the old guard was wiped away and a steady airport moving walkway was installed and near on 40 brand new kids were ushered into the Holiday complex newly built near the Daggers Training complex..well i say complex..its more of a bit of grass with an old brick built changing room with shower where tramps piss and you can knock your boots off on those brush things attached to the walls and where the windows are slightly yellow with green mold on..nice tho. The start of the season loomed and these lads were itching to get on with developing into the best group of kids the world have ever seen....ive joined the managers who constantly scour the markets for that elusive 5 star player!! Although im sure all teams will gladly play the daggers kids at senior level...be afraid..the daggers kids are getting better! See you in a few seasons!! Ted.

The Lobbyists

The funny bits from the lobby this week!

Sam Worger says: (16:34:48) I can tell if there going to be a superstar when there in the womb!

Jim _: says: (16:35:41) Ah man my cat just put her foot in my coffee

Sam Worger says: (16:42:17) the wage auctions are like airports, you go in with your bag packed with great players, and when you arrive at the end BA have lost your baggage

Gary Harrison says: (16:45:02)I still can’t believe u don’t get square sausage in England....UN believable

Ross Allan says: (16:39:51)
A moderator said to me what part of don’t swear don’t you understand I said well would you believe me if I suffered from dyslexia

The Rags

A quick look at what’s happening in the world with our usual dip into the daily rags and blah!

This Week`s top 5..

Things to ask yourself before spending £80m on a footballer...
5.Tell me, why is the western world so hated?
4.Whats our motivation: the acquisition of a rare talent, or the thought of sir Alex Ferguson going absolutely mental?
3.Can he give the same qualities as he did at man utd: Grit gile and the ability to be a complete git
2.Have Denilson,Crespo,Veron and Shevchenko not taught us that big money signings do not always work?
1.From Fransico Franco to Ronaldo-What is it about real Madrid and deplorable right wingers

Ronaldo spent Wednesday night with Paris Hilton: OR as the union is now know, ORANGE Wednesday.

RONALDO AND PARIS? Well they are both well known for going down easily

He`s Sulky self obsessed and strangely orange. But like him or or not, Phill Brown did a great job keeping Hull in the top flight.

Congratulations to Bob Crow and the striking tube workers! Because in future when we think of selfish, overpaid greedy whinging tossers we wont be thinking of footballers..Nice one.

I belong to jesus! “KAKA once trilled. Has football not had enough 3rd party ownership?

THE FA`s descision to reimburse England ticket due to the tube strike could cost them £1m. To cover the amount David Beckham will belch into a hanky and sell on ebay.

And Well done to man city for summing the club up yesterday. “yeah, We`ll hold the Gareth Barry press conference on Thursday morning. Quite news day=loads of coverage. Oh hang on i hear theres a spot of news from Madrid!

England coach Fabio Capello looks utterly appalled by his team's start in Almaty and he is in lively form on the bench, even appearing to brush against Stuart Pearce at one point. Steady on, Fabio. He's not called Psycho for nothing.

The Toni Report

From the boardroom of the Daggers Utd CCS Arena we find Swiss Toni in thoughtful mood..thats not a word you normally associate with the Daggers Director of football!
In just a little over 3 hours time the Gameworld will shudder at the prospect of a 16year old Mexican going for i would say atleast 50k wages...crazy stuff, makes the 80m Ronaldo deal look almost sensible. So which lucky manager will have a 16 year old on mega bucks? We shall see at just after midnight tonight. Its not right really is it? Well no but theres not really much choice unless you want to while the night away trudging through senior game after senior game..just becomes pointless..theres only every gonna be a handfull of managers who ever get to that elusive no1 spot..but does it matter? No not really, its about the community spirit and banter in the lobby...who are we kidding eh! Its a football management sim which is so highly addictive its caused a melt down on people lives...its caused FML managers to have a faster typing speed than some of the best typist in the world! Its the 2nd biggest cause now of obesity in the world with more food consumed the the EU food mountain...even pot noodle sales are up! TO those managers who don’t login anymore? What can i say...have you got anything else better not to do? Well yes you probably have, but you can’t just help having a little peak to see if your fiancés allow you to purchase a 2m super youth! We know who you are! “I HATE THIS GAME AND IM RUBBISH AT IT” sure you are!


Have a good week...keep it real..

Kev.

The Final Whistle 05-06-2009

The Dagger Blog, Blissett Gamworld Edition

The week sponsored by The Job Centre Plus.

The Dagger Report- Today will mostly be with Jesse the Coach
The Diccon Brown Column- Training Methods from the Legend himself!
The Rags-A look into the real world and the end of the season
The Toni Report- booted again!

The Dagger blog is back after last week’s break because of world cup fever hitting the GW..With Toni Flying out to Mexico to take charge of a The Mexicans and taking them to a creditble Semi Final spot..Losing to Poland...but they did manage to beat the Brazilians!

The Dagger Report

The end of another AEFA season saw Daggers UTD relegated back to the championship...but fear not because the Board of the Daggers has decided to take the whole shabang to a new FA..SEFA!! SUPER! WHY i hear you cry...our maybe you don’t mind the team wanted to play more human v human games and 60 games a season is so much better than 40.and with the completion of the 22,000 all seater stadium complete oh i lied theres still 1 block of terracing for nostalga purposes .it just never seemed 40 games is never going to be enough...it promises to be an exciting time for all SEFA teams..with 36 signed up to date and a weekend push to fill it up..It will be the most active FA that’s for sure...so don’t delay join SEFA today! Ud have thought they’d pay me for all the advertising wouldn’t you?

The Diccon Brown Column

This week’s training Methods.

This week, after some poor form, my team have been sent back to school.
Strikers are studying geography, they cant find the net, let's see if they can even find what country they're in.

Keepers are taking shop, they've been relying on the woodwork so much they may as well learn how to use it properly.

The midfield are supervising the playground so they can learn to break up play.
And the defence are driving the school bus, hopefully they can learn to park it.

The Rags

A quick look at what’s happening in the world with our usual dip into the daily rags and blah blah blah!

This Week`s top 5..
....Jobs Tony Adams thinks he can do next.

5. Pop on a dress, and hey presto you`ve got yourself a new fern britton!
4.Be the architect of Celtics celebrations next season and drive the open top bus
3.Cheif senator to her highness queen Estrada, ruler of Zoltan 5 of the alpha nebula
2.Do to expense-fiddling MP`s what he did to that brick wall in 1990
1. Manager a well-know competitive outfit..The Runcorn branch of Tesco


* Tony Adams says he`s in the running for the Celtic job. Yes, the Scottish giants are bored of the perennial two-horse race and fancy a relegation battle

* Steve Bruce had managed clubs based in Huddersfield, Sheffield, Croydon, Wigan and now Sunderland. Bruce either A) wants to climb the managerial ladder; or B) Shares the same booking agent as bobby davro

* Bruce said he want to take Sunderland forward. That either means a top ten finish, or hot running water for everyone.

* Big brother is back! A group of desperate wannabes are thrown together and expected to survive in harmony whilst providing entertainment, even though the nation knows it will end in tears and despair. Rumour has it Mike Ashley is looking to buy the rights

*Susan Boyle fell short of the final of Britains got Talent Last week. An eccentric Scot who lairises opinion, got a bit for their britches ,does like the media, and bottle it on the big stage. On the bright side she`s being lined up as the next manager of Man Utd.

* Roberto Martinez returns to wigan as manager. When he last played for the latics he was the most exotic thing to come to the area since the introduction of the inside toilet.

And finally..I was going to write a gag regarding Australian Cricketer Andrew Symonds but I don’t wanna upset Myron.

The Toni Report

Ah..the toni report, now how can we survive a week without some edgy comment from the king of controversy..its a tricky one. Last week Toni was hauled before the FA committee and stripped once again of his chat helper status...the ever controversial, hard hitting coach of Daggers Utd was described this week as “a blunt instrument”...nice! probably true but never one to shy a way from controversy..although he has found that the IGNORE manager button works a bloody treat..i wonder how many use it on him...does he really care? Not really..its only a game! With the announcement this week of 3 more gameworld`s on route and one of them being a pro-world...will you be leaving? I hope not..many of us remember the Tom`s fiasco.. One final thought for anyone who is going to join the new pro world - GOOD LUCK! At first it may seem like a great idea to go and join 999 other pro-managers however I imagine the reality will be anything but. It will be worse than Toms ever was; a world jammed full of short-term thinking, glory hunting hoppers. JP will be abundant and prices will be astronomical from the start. It will be carnage. Granted there might be the odd exception but I'll bet a pound to a penny that this new gameworld will be an unqualified disaster, full of bitching and endless moaning and problems.

See you all in SEFA for some human on human fun!
Have a good one..
Kev.