The Dagger Blog, Blissett Gamworld Edition
The week sponsored by mostly being a chat helper
In this weeks end of the Premiership Season edition!
The Dagger Report- With NEW COACH! Jesse! Who will be mostly training players better than Toni!
The Diccon Brown Column- Training Methods from the Legend himself
The Rags-A look into the real world and the end of the season
Sex or Football? Read on!
The Toni Report- is anybody there?
The Dagger Report
After 25 games in charge of the Daggers in the AEFA premiership, Swiss Toni has been moved to the Board Room and Jesse has been put in tempary charge of Team affairs that’s unless he has to have heart bypass surgery and we have to get someone from match of the day in to give it a go. It all started so well..some promising performances have turned into a shocking run of results. The daggers are now predicted to finish 3rd bottom and yo-yo back to the championship. It might be good for them some say, but playing this game is all about winning isn’t it? There’s player unrest in the Daggers Dressing Room and Loss of form to key players..The normal Solid Defence is leaking more than member of parliaments expenses sheet and Pardo just can’t score! With the Sale of the entire youth academy to a Columbian drug cartel in exchange for some Columbian footballers who each came with there own suitcases full of Columbian coffee beans, the Cartel was set up as part of the youth acadamey...looks a bit dodgy to me! But i just train them..and keep them away from white lines says jesse...who this week will mainly be overseeing our return to the championship!
The Diccon Brown Column
This week my team have been learning some of the lesser celebrated aspects of the fine game. Strikers have been at the local diving pool, scoring bonus points for distance and number of tumbles in the air, girly shrieks was also encouraged. The defenders sent on computer courses to learn hacking. Keepers sent to church to get used to putting their hands together in front of a higher power so they can imply the striker, both of whose legs are still in the arms of the keeper, must have dived. And the Midfield have been sent to minder school so they know how to gather round one person looking intimidating for any time a ref might make a "wrong" decision.
The Rags
A quick look at what’s happening in the world with our usual dip into the daily rags and blah!
This Week`s top 5..from The premierships beleaguered French manager
Signs Arsene Wenger is losing interest at Arsenal,
5.Out: Frantic mimes From the Dugout. IN:The Macarena
4.Begins every team talk with a weary “ive never like you f***ckers!”
3.”What should we eat before matchdays gaffer? “Vienetta and chips, knock yerselfs out!”
2. “This match should be interesting considering i soacked all your jock straps in a vat of Raljex”
1.”ZUT alors! First i loose my tactics sheet now i loose my trousers!
But worse news this week for arsenal fans this week, Wenger could be off which could me yet another manager coming in and leading them to no trophy`s next season.
Burnley went on a four day trip to Portugal this week, to give them a chance to relax and unwind and to see what an aero-plane looks like close up!
The Clarets are relishing the playoff final and a chance to come to London. Or as their fans call is the big scary place where the queen lives
Cricket news now and Shoiab Akhtar is out of the 20-20 world cup due to “genital warts”.Pakistan will have an injury to deal with when he finds the person who leaked the news and punches him in the mouth.
Andrew Symonds has been dropped by Australlia for the Ashes Tour. But given he once missed training to go fishing, punched a man and admitted to ogling a team mates wife, Symonds will be celebrated in his homeland on a series of stamps.
The Ashes squad was picked by Merv hughes and David Boon. The only way they could get more Australlian is if they changed there official badge to a picture of Lou Carpenter severely beating Dame Edna with a didgeridoo
The last dance of the drowning clubs will be on show this weekend, with some hoping to continue their waltz in the top flight.
Hull City have a dodgy fixture as they host a club that has already won the Premier League, and is looking at adding another trophy to their long list of laurels. Sir Alex may choose to field a second string line-up in order to give some of his important players a rest before the final of the Champions League. This could prompt the Tigers to produce a confident performance, which may see them survive in the relegation battle.
There will be a heated game at Villa Park, where Newcastle will walk onto the pitch knowing that they will be playing one of the biggest games in the history of their club. Anything less than a win will see them playing in the Football League next season. However, even a win may not steady the Toon, since their fate depends on the results of Hull City, and Sunderland. Either one of the aforementioned teams would have to drop points if the roar has to reach Tyneside.
Elsewhere, Middlesbrough are mathematically out of contention, but a queer turn of events could see them avoiding the axe. But it appears highly unlikely that the tide will turn in their favour. Irrespective of their bleak chances, the team will want to put out a strong performance as they go out with their heads held high, or survive in style.
Footy or sex?
New research out today shows that over half of UK men think about football for 10 per cent of the day. The research, carried out by Sports Interactive and SEGA, creators and publishers of Football Manager Live, found almost two thirds (58 per cent) of men think about the beautiful game for more than an hour a day, with just 44 per cent thinking about sex for more than an hour. To aid focus while fantasising about footy, the creators of Football Manager Live have developed a unique 'Concentration Gum', which is available to subscribers of Football Manager Live, the new Massively Multiplayer Online Game from the creators of the Football Manager series. Miles Jacobson, Studio Director of Sports Interactive, said: "Traditionally it is well-documented that men think about sex all the time, but this research proves that men are more obsessed with the beautiful game than they are with the fairer sex. Some top football managers chew gum while concentrating on a big game - and if it works for Sir Alex Ferguson then it's good enough for us!"
The Toni Report
What is up with Blissett then...with no more than 40-60 managers on this world isn’t looking good is it? Why? Im not sure..it looked so bright at the start of the season when 40 odd new managers joined us...although this actually isn’t that good when you consider 85 new managers joined greaves in there pre-season. HMMM! There was a report on the FML website about the state of the economies in FML and Blissett has the worst. I think the biggest problem is that there are a crop of manager who seem to think there Steve Gibson, Nice Stadium steve..shit team..or nice Stadium, the team i really cant be bothered with. Then theres the crop of managers who seem intent on giving 15-16 yr old kids 20k wages! WHY! Your ruining our world, the kids are running riot, there buying fast sports cars and prostitutes they cant drive and there shooting isn’t good enough yet..20k wages! Ur mad!! Theres no answer to it as each to there own...The Dagger Board have spent 1.4m on the stadium trying to keep up...but alas my 1.4m wasn’t good enough...ooooh well is that all?? i spent 3.4m on mine just 5 mins ago...well good for you you mug, its a football management game..its not sim city! Go get urself a WII and a bag of wotsits and some good porno`s, i don’t really care!
To life in the championship once again..I hope the World doesn’t die and we have a spark of inspirtation from somewhere..you never know some mods might admit there wrong sometimes, maybe marriage will mellow them...listen to your community...cos if you don’t..there will be some big rubber hand waving as we close the door behind us, lets just hope they don’t open a new semi or pro gameworld as i think there will be a rush to the transfer button
Have a good one..
Kev.
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